Monday, December 3, 2007

In Loving Memory Of

Dedicated to my father who will be missed very dearly by many many people. In loving memory of him. (15 November 1948 - 29 November 2007)

Hear You Me (May Angels Lead You In) by Jimmy Eat World

There's no one in town I know

You gave us some place to go.

I never said thank you for that.

I thought I might get one more chance.

What would you think of me now,

so lucky, so strong, so proud?

I never said thank you for that,

now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in.

So what would you think of me now,

so lucky, so strong, so proud?

I never said thank you for that,

now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in.

And if you were with me tonight,

I'd sing to you just one more time.

A song for a heart so big,

God wouldn't let it live.

May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


Even with SPM just less than 24 hours away, I can't stay away from the computer. 6 windows open and one involving Blogthings! Not sure if any of them are true though. Haha! Here they are...

This is interesting...

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

*shrek song going through her mind* I'm a believer... I'm a believer...

You Are a Believer

You definitely believe in God - and you're very unwavering in your religious beliefs.
In fact, religion and spirituality are definitely big parts of your life.
Religion shapes how you view right and wrong, as well as the decisions you make.
It's hard for you to imagine how your life would be without your beliefs.

Kinda true...

You Are Right Brained In Love

Bit of a drama queen
Peacemaker, first to end a fight
Good at thinking up creative dates
Tend to fall in love and get hurt easily
Going with your gut instead of your head
Empathetic and caring, sometimes to a fault
Good at recognizing patterns in relationships
Been in love many times, perhaps too many to count
Wildly passionate and intense when falling in love
Spontaneous with relationships, going with the flow
Overly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mind
Roses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart


You Make a Great First Impression

You can handle almost any social situation with grace, even the tricky ones.
Strangers often find you charming and interesting. You are often remembered fondly.
Even if you're not naturally outgoing, you can make conversation with anyone if you need to.

Whether you were born this way or had to work to get here, you are definitely charismatic.
You're popular and well liked. People definitely look forward to being around you.
Your social connections bring you a full and rich life. You understand how important it is to make a lasting impression.

Mmm... yummy!

You Are Strawberry Cake

Fresh, sassy, and romantic.
You're a total flirt, who never would turn down a sugary treat.
Occasionally you're a bit moody - but you usually stay sweet!

No idea what a dosha but I don't think this sounds like me.

Your Dosha is Pitta

You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor.
You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader.
Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways.
But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical.

With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you

In love: You are picky but passionate

To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight.

I almost failed this test!!! Which is good. =)

You Are 48% Jealous

You're a fairly jealous person, but it's nothing to beat yourself up about.
A little jealousy is perfectly normal, though sometimes you take it a little far.
Recognize when jealousy is taking over your life, and try to hold back your impulses.
You'll be a better (and happier) person for it!

I know some of you will laugh when you see this.

You Are 24% Girly

You are a pretty hardcore tomboy, and a very free spirit.
Gender roles be dammed, you like to do things your way.

MiaOW! I would prefer a dog though.

Your Ideal Pet is a Cat

You're both aloof, introverted, and moody.
And your friends secretly wish that you were declawed!

HELP!!! I HAVE A PURPLE BRAINNN!!!! Hmm.. they're right bout the fantasy thing.

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic.
You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense.
Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Counting Down...

Here's a looong post, after a looong time of being inactive!

Counting down til SPM starts. Kinda nervous.... OK, no. I'm very nervous. Can't believe I'm getting stressed over studies. I don't usually get stressed over studies! Must be the PMS talking. Hmm...

Well, well. Believe it or not, I actually s-t-u-d-i-e-d today! Yup yup. Did some memorizing work. Still feel it isn't enough though. I studied in front of the computer, then decided to study in the living room. Less distractions. Haha! Suddenly couldn't focus anymore so I moved my butt to the piano seat.

Piano is relaxing~

And do you know what's awesome? Dad actually calmed my nerves! I've been stressed out about what he would think of my results and how he would if I didn't meet a high standards and all. But he told me that I should forget the books, forget my stress, treat my SPM like any other normal exam, and play more piano. It isn't my results that he's looking for, it's how far I can go. Even if I get 3A's, that's alright. Cause I'll still be continueing my studies. You have no idea how glad I am to hear that. I heart my dad. <3

I'm still gonna continue studying anyway. Just to see how far I can go. However, lunch was spoiled by my dad not letting me to go Pangkor with my friends in Dec. *sigh* I was so looking forward to it and one tiny needle bursted my bubble. Felt so incredibly disappointed.

My darkness was brightened by Goat though. =D Just went out of the house without waiting to hear my parents object and hanged at his place. We tried to study. Landed up wasting our time. Haha! Also, had a party after that. It was quite dull at first, but as the night grew older, things got wilder! Yeeeaaaahhhhhh... I can't believe I started dancing to indian songs, but... what the heck. Party's meant for enjoyment and it feels sooo good dancing. The guard at the guardhouse nearby started it all by just jumping into the middle of our human made circle and danced like no one's there! The night ended with Charades!!! Girls vs Guys. It was an action-packed comedy. One of my favourite moments of all time. Great game.

I'm so tired now. Just gonna SMS a while before doozing off.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Humour Supplement #1

We all need humour in our lives. Or else things will be bleak, dull and grey. So crack and appreciate a joke every once in a while. With the cliche saying, "A laugh a day keeps the blues away!". So enjoy your daily supplements of jokes. Here are some words of wisdom from kids!


Good Advice From Kids

"Never trust a dog to watch your food." -Patrick, age 10

"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer." -Hannah, age 9

Never tell your Mom her diet's not working." -Michael, age 14

"Stay away from prunes." -Randy, age 9

"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to." -Emily, age 10

"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair." -Taylia, age 11

"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment." -Traci, age 14

"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac." - Andrew, age 9

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


I don't get it. Why can't I be sensible just once with my emotions? Why do I always have to go emotic everytime something goes wrong? And why can't I feel just completely happy for once a day? I always find that I'm laughing and enjoying the moment one minute and the next minute, anger rears it's ugly head.

When we get moody, is it our wrong to lash out at people? Perhaps. But we are entitled to a little moodiness once in a while right? So why then, when you lash at people, people lash back at you? Why can't they just sit there quietly and offer some help when the time comes? Or perhaps it is just me. Me, making the situation worse by words which are not thought properly. Me, destroying a relationship bit by bit. Me. Just plain, stupid, emotic old me.

It doesn't help to cure my irritance when my internet decided to go slow while I need to blog and let everything out. It's cruel. Maybe God is punishing me for my anger or maybe i just do not have enough sleep. Well, whatever it is, I'm glad I could get something out for the time being.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Panick Attacks?


OK, looks like the layout and graphics have to wait. It's 4 weeks before SPM and I'm panicking at midnight, yes midnight, because of it (well, also because I hardly do any studying...)!

Howeverrrr... I'm browsing to get some inspirations. So knowing me, it'll take a while.

Oh and what do you guys think of psychology or hospitality?

Saturday, September 29, 2007


Hmm... OK, so, I've been thinking on starting on some projects. Two, actually. One would be graphics and the other would be stories.

I plan on making blog layouts and maybe share them with you guys (for those of you who want to beautify your page with my work *winkwink*)... and as for stories, well, I plan on doing it with someone. Two heads are better than one, right? I currently have like a ton of stories I started myself and haven't been able to finish yet. However, I'm looking forward to starting a new, fresh story and hopefully it'll be interesting enough to capture reader's attention.

And with these two projects, hopefully my blog will be updated more often. The lack of update on my blog is killing me. Haha.. Oh yeah and if you haven't watched One Tree Hill yet, I recommend that you do. It's AWESOME. The best drama ever!!! For song lovers, this drama plays like.. 1001 great songs. It currently have 4 seasons. So get out your limewire or torrent or something and download seasons 1-4. You'll be addicted to it. =)

Monday, September 24, 2007


Edit: Alright so my thinking is a little out of control. Sue me. No, you know what.. just kill me right here. Just shoot my head.

Thoughts are so powerful. They can affect the way you react and the way you perceive.

Words are so powerful. They come from thoughts, they can break a person's heart or mend it back.

Actions are so powerful. They come from words, they create your past and create your near future.

Habits are so powerful. They come from actions, they are the things that are hard to get rid of. They may benefit you or pull you down.

Destiny is so powerful. Reaped from habit and cannot be overcome. And all this starts with just a thought.

So becareful of your thoughts and becareful of your intentions.

I'm sorry I wasn't.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

In Loving Arms

Why of all the beautiful things you can't see,

Is the one between you and me?

The one I hold close to my heart,

Afraid that it'll be torn apart.

Why of all the things you want to know,

Is the past that does not glow?

And the memories should be kept,

For lessons learnt and tears wept.

Why not we create a new chapter,

Be done with the past and over.

For in your loving arms I feel safe,

Come, let's focus on today.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

National Service

ATTENTION to all 17 year old readers. The National Service Training for 2008 is out and now you can check if you're in or not. I did not check mine personally but did it through a friend. And I'm relieved to know that I'm not in. However, I'm afraid to go check to confirm just in case they put my name in. I heard that if you keep checking, they'll put you in for the NS. So better be safe than sorry. The sad thing is though that my two best friends are going! And I'm going to be alone for 3 freaking months! The goverment is seriously wasting our time and shattering our dreams. This is like a death sentence to us! Well I hope all goes well.

So now take a deeep deeepp breath, exhale, and click the link below. If you're in, don't freak. You can enroll early in college and send a letter saying you're occupied (for those of you who can't afford college, I sympathize). If not, START THROWING YOUR THINGS (preferably a pillow so you don't hurt anyone) AROUND!


Semakan Pelatih PLKN Siri 5 Tahun 2008

Also, the list will be out on newspaper in October. So for those who can't get through the website for now (it's really really slow today), check it then. Good luck ;)

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Akon - Blame It On Me

Recently, I heard Akon's new song on the radio and it was really meaningful and touching. It's about all his apologies to his wife, his mom, his fans and the underaged girl in a 21 and above club that he danced with. He's taking the blame for everything. To know more about the story behind the lyrics, go here.

Wanna hear the song?

Akon - Sorry, Blame It On Me

World Premire Video. Enjoy =)

As life goes on I’m starting to learn more and more about responsibility

I realize everything I do is affecting the people around me

So I want to take this time out to apologize for things I have done

And things that have not occurred yet

And the things they don't want to take responsibility for

I'm sorry for the times I left you home

I was on the road and you were alone

I'm sorry for the times that I had to go

I'm sorry for the fact that I did not know

That you were sitting home just wishing we

Could go back to when it was just you and me

I'm sorry for the times I would neglect

I'm sorry for the times I disrespect

I'm sorry for the wrong things that I've done

I'm sorry I’m not always there for my son

I'm sorry for the fact that I'm not aware

That you can’t sleep at night when I am not there

Because I am in the streets like everyday

Sorry for the things that I did not say

Like how you are the best thing in my world

And how I'm so proud to call you my girl


I understand that there are some problems

And I am not too blind to know

All the pain you kept inside you

Even though you might not show

If I can apologize for being wrong

Then it's just a shame on me

I'll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me


You can put the blame on me [4x]

Said you can put the blame on me [3x]

You can put the blame on me

Sorry for the things that he put you through

And all the times you didn't know what to do

Sorry that you had to go and sell those packs

Just trying to stay busy till you heard from Dad

And you would rather be home with all your kids

As one big family with love and bliss

And even though Pops treated us like kings

He got a second wife and you didn't agree

He got up and left you there all alone

I'm sorry that you had to do it on your own

I'm sorry that I went and added to your grief

I'm sorry that your son was once a thief

I'm sorry that I grew up way too fast

I wish I would've listened and not be so bad

I'm sorry your life turned out this way

I'm sorry that the FEDS came and took me away


I'm sorry that it took so long to see

They were dead wrong trying to put it on me

I'm sorry that it took so long to speak

But I was on tour with Gwen Stefani

I'm sorry for the hand that she was dealt

For the embarrassment that she felt

Just a little young girl trying to have fun

Her daddy should never let her out that young

I'm sorry for Club Zen getting shut down

I hope they manage better next time around

How was I to know she was underage

In a 21 and older club they say

Why doesn't anybody wanna take blame

Verizon backed out disgracing my name

I'm just a singer trying to entertain

Because I love my fans I'll take that blame

Even though the blame's on you [3x]

I'll take that blame from you

And you can put that blame on me [2x]

You can put that blame on me

And you can put that blame on me

Saturday, August 4, 2007

New Quote, New Song, New Events

I learnt a new quote today while walking around a heavenly air conded mall of IOI. Know what it is?

"Don't make effort in dressing up for anyone. It'll only make you look weird. Instead, stick to baggy pants, baggy shirts. Cause it's simple and they don't make you look any weirder than you already are."

Yup, yup. And, a little update on my life;

Sis will be back reaaaallly soon and godsis will be gone sooner. Tomorrow's the day that she'll be flying off to London to meet her dad and then spend a 5 year study in Ireland. Will miss you, Christine! T_T On the other hand, good news comes as my sister comes down from London on the 13th. Hurray! Now I can at least bug someone. =P

Also, check out this new song and vid from Justin Timberlake. Personally, I think the song is nice and the vid is cool, but the singer needs a shave.

Justin Timberlake - Love Stoned

Hmmm what else? Well, hungry now. Need... food....

Friday, July 27, 2007


Envy. An emotion that occurs when a person lacks something that another has and wishes to possess it, to have it. Envy is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. According to Wikipedia, "envy is the pain or frustration caused by another person having something that one does not have oneself." - One word that is different from the other word jealous, which, according to Wiki again, is the fear of losing something to another person (a loved one in the prototypical form).

So are you an envious being? I am. Infact, I think I am easily envious of many things many people have. I might envy those who are richer or have their own cool gadgets like a laptop, hand-held games, bigger room, own bathroom, etc. etc. But rarely is my envy something materialistic. What and whom I envy are those who have natural talents or beauty or both brains and brawn put together. And I am also easily jealous.

If you think you do not envy anyone, or have never envied before, think again. It is only natural for humans to feel so; to become a green-eyed monster every once in a while. It is an emotion we possess. More still when we are in a competitive world. However, it is an emotion we should keep under control. To be envious, is to sin. When you envy, you tend to hate. And if there is no further control, that hate may turn into wrath (which is also in the list of the Seven Deadly Sins). That wrath may lead to something else.

So change this envy into kindness or admiration. If the other is better than you in something, don't dwell in self-pity or in Envy's chokehold. You might be better than the other at something else. Everyone has their own strengths. For all you know, someone else might be envying or admiring you for something you can do well. Let go of Envy and its desires and be confident in you.

"Let us not be conceited; let there be no rivalry or envy of one another."- Galatians 5:26

Friday, July 20, 2007

A la Random

Ok. Just to amuse those of you who desperately come to my blog to get some sort of "inspiration" or just for something to read, here's a little recipie. It's good to know how to cook. And for you newbies, french toast is really really easy. Don't be lazy and get a pen and paper and write this down. Do it for your parents.

Prep time: about 15 minutes


1 egg

1/4 c. milk

dash of vanilla extract

1 tbsp. margarine

2 pieces of bread


1.Crack the egg into a medium-size bowl and beat well. Then mix in the milk and vanilla extract.

2.Put the margarine in a frying pan. Heat the pan on the stovetop on medium heat. It's hot enough when the margarine starts to bubble.

3.Dunk each piece of bread in the egg mixture. Make sure the bread is totally covered.

4.Cook the bread in the frying pan on low heat until the underside is light brown (about 5 minutes).

5.Use a spatula to flip the bread over, and cook again for another 5 minutes.

6.Use the spatula to transfer the French toast to a plate.

Serves: 2

Serving size: 1 slice

Nutritional analysis (per serving):

162 calories

6 g protein

9 g fat

13 g carbohydrate

0 g fiber

107 mg cholesterol

218 mg sodium

80 mg calcium

1.1 mg iron

Note: Nutritional analysis may vary depending on ingredient brands used.


Eat your French toast with powdered sugar, cinnamon, maple syrup, jelly, or fruit on top.

Have fun and don't burn the kitchen down.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

My Burfday

Yesterday, 29 June 2007, was the most memorable event that happened to me throughout my 17 years on earth. Though it wasn't a full blast party filled with activities, it was awesome. Note: Please bear with the long long post.

School was normal. Wishes and everything. I felt kind of moody and couldn't wait for school to be over 'cause I looked forward to band practice in the afternoon. It finally arrived and I enjoyed singing (I was scared at first 'cause of the many eyes around me but I slowly got used to it) til I had very little energy left. Man I hope I'm that brave when I perform on stage. Anyway, I had my first stolen cake! Naughty little HH stole a piece of her friend's birthday cake and brought it to me. Mmm... choc!^^ I also had my first birthday prezzie for the day! It's a cute little bear from my pet sis.

Function of the bear: To squish when angry.

When practice finished, I went down, put my 20cents into the pay phone, dialed my house number..... and heard an engaged tone. Dang. Pressed that FOC button, called my mom's cell and... "The number you have dialed...". What the... it ate my money! Waited a few minutes and tried again. Same result. So poor little birthday girl had to walk home *sob sob*. I had company, so it's OK. The weather was really hot though. Felt like ice melting under the fire's energy!


Hey that car looks familiar... I wonder if it's that small goat that was supposed to visit me this afternoon...~

Yes! I've reached my neighbourhood. I couldn't wait to shower. Was bathed in my own sweat. Walk walk walk, hey! It's that same car again! But it's going away from me. Hmm... Anyway, once I reached home my mom was like, "Who fetched you home?... Why didn't you call me?... Ah? Ya la your auntie also said can't call the house phone. Why ah?... My phone something wrong la... Credit don't have... blablabla." A nice cold shower washed away my feelings of unfairness at the irony of TWO phones being engaged and that I had to walk home.

Then a small little goat came to my doorstep, with a big present behind his back. And he forced me to make him a drink. Mom wanted to go out so she asked me to close the door. How kind of him, he offered to close it for me. Mom forgot something, came back in and went out and asked me to close back the door. Without even realising it, I took the Ribena bottle together with me like a crab that can't let go what it's holding, and reached for the gate button. Then I heard a squeal.

The goat asked me how to open back the gate so *press* *gate opens* and ... WHOA! What came pouring in was Pau, Von, CL, Karen, Prause, and %^$@#OMG! CHIPMUNK! *blink blink* and also cake!

Choc! Yum...^^

Then came the birthday song... Felt so shy... Didn't dare look anyone in the eye. XD. Now to open that big present the goat brought... Guess what is it?


Will be putting up a clearer pic of my prezzies in friendster =) The rest of the day was spent with the goat. It was so relaxing. Even my neighbours didn't make noise like they usually do.

Then came night and my bro took me out for dinner in an Italian restaurant nearby. Ate til so full >.< But I was happy to see my dad enjoying his meal hehe... I slept early yesterday. Appreciate every moment. Thanks to all the names mentioned here. You made my day <3 *Big Hugs*

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Truth or Dare

Truth or dare?


I dare you to...

Freak! I can't believe this game doesn't have a quit option. If someone dares to you murder one person would you do it?!

And why the heck is this Kenangan Terindah word repeating itself today? In a SONG? It's a freaking song! And it's freaking nice. And sad. Nevermind. It didn't get me sad.

Why am I so edgy anyway? Nothing should bother me. Nothing.

Crap. I don't even know what I'm saying. Oh well, karma does everything.

EDIT: Nevermind. All of a sudden I'm calm.

EDIT2: I'm not calm.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

I'm Not Worth Your Affections

I had this horrible dream... and when I woke up I had this horrible surprise... And now I'm having a horrible moment. All of it involves different people but tied to one. This is one person I don't wanna see go. OK, now insecurity kicks in. Someone save me.

Hey.. reply my message lah... You just disappeared suddenly >.<

EDIT: Ok well... just forget everything. Insecurity makes people do weird things. Like posting this post =="

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Horoscope: Cancer Woman

It's like 90% accurate so sooome things might not be true. It's almost there though.


When she is in love, she will act both ways. First, shy and polite; trembling to be near you. Second, attached to you like glue and trying to be with you all the time. She will try to go home with you after work, or have every lunch with you. It is O.K. if you like her too, but if it is not the case, you will feel very uncomfortable.

She hates to be talked about or gossiped by someone else. If she knows, she will be very hurt. In nature she is a shy type, except she has been influenced by some other Zodiac. She is not a brave or daring type, so if you like her then you better be the one who start first. She will not accept her true feeling, so if you like her you better tell her first.

She is like a musical note; always change in tunes. So one minute she can be funny and cheerful, and one minute she can be sad and depressed. Other people may think of her as "Over-acting", or "Over-reacting".

When she is depressed, she will go out and look for things to make it up. She
loves money, and thinks of having "Money" as "Happy", but not as "God". She will not look down at you if you do not have a lot of money, but she will help you make money, save money. She is not an extravagant person and sometimes will tell you not to buy her expensive and useless gifts.

She is the type who enjoys a long and quiet walk. A cancer woman is also influenced by the "moon", so under the moon light she will be a fascinating woman.

She has a constant fear for many things. She fears of not being smart enough, not pretty enough. Even if she is not fat, she will not be satisfied. Assuring her of her looks would help, because she can change mood 4 times a day.

She is not stingy, but you will not surprise if you see she collecting old or broken junks. She sees that everything are useful to her. She will find a way to re-use it again some day. She is not a jealous type, but possessive.

The best part of her is that she will sacrifice everything for her love one with no limit. Don't leave her in times of troubles, she will never forget it. She is not a weak type, even she looks like one. Example, if you argue with her, she might cry her heart out. Once you left, she will wipe her tears and start cleaning up her apartment normally.

She is a very careful mother and will look after her kids every step of the
way. If she is a mother of your children, you are at ease, but if she is your mother-in-law, you are in pain. Not to worry, this type of mother-in-law will not let her own daughter be an "Old maid".

She could be moody and argue with you about many little things like other women, but she will always wait and want to take care of you. If you argue with her and disappear a few days, she will be waiting for you, but not for long O.K. This kind of testing is risky, try not to do it.

The Cancer woman needs 2 things to be happy about which are "Work" and "Love". She can be live in a dusty house, but she can not live in that same house with no Love.

Wanna know yours? CLICK!. P.S: I don't know if non-members can read that page...

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Drama, Drama, Drama

Whoever thinks those things, scenes and fights you see on TV or dramas doesn't happen in real life has got to be living under a shell. Those things happen alright. And when you do go through it, you wouldn't be thinking it's so cliche. You would actually be going through this whirlpool of emotions with many choices to make. And these real life situations can be as complicated and scandalous as all the top TV dramas put together!

Take for example a family. You have the dad, the mom, the children, and maybe even Rover or little Muffin. Steady income on both the dad and mom, children doing well in school, and the pets are well taken care off. Then, all of a sudden, you find either the dad or mom is cheating on the other or the children are involved in gangsterism or drug abuse, or both, or some member in the family, out of pure stress and craziness, kills Rover or small little Muffin who had its claws cut. And then out comes another person who says, "I'm your real mother." Then the kids go, "Whaaa?"

No, not talking 'bout anything related to me, mind you. Just giving an example that life can be as complicated as that. Besides, those drama ideas have to come from somewhere. And it will always be cliche.

My life is filled with drama.

Bittersweet Moments

Alright, who here knows what taste it's like when you eat beetroot and banana together? Something bitter and sweet? That's right. I don't know either XD. But I'm betting it'll feel like a jumble of taste. Is that even a correct sentence? Well, don't bother. My point is I feel like one jumble too. How nice it would be if life could have this kind of remote so that I could stop, rewind or fast forward and play right when things aren't going so great. Hmm.... but that wouldn't be too good either. Look what happened to Adam Sandler's character when he got it! Haha! By the way, did you guys watch that show? Hilarious!

Ugh... I'm so sleepy. I'll come back and post later... maybe with more content than this short paragraph of rubbish.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Love And Obsession

This is a little something I came up with while praying in church (bad me, mind wondering while praying). It's not edited or checked to I hope it has very few errors. I might change it... when I feel like it. Haha. Other than that, enjoy. =)

For months I have gotten to know you and I slowly fell in love. My heart, which I kept so guarded, was taken away from its jail and landed up in your palms. But we were too young to start, we both knew it. So we danced around each other instead, randomly playing with each other's feelings. Yet we got closer. And one day I asked you out.

Our first date, something I will never forget. How can I when I loved you terribly so? I have been meaning to ask you to be mine for sometime. However, my fear overtook me and stopped me from doing so. And that day… that day I finally found courage to help me. You said you would think about it. My hope fell. Were you thinking of rejecting me? Why do you have to think if you love me so? For those few days, I was restless, silently praying for the best. I tried to study your actions but that only filled my head with more worries. Oh Samantha, the day you said yes I was so relieved! And I was overjoyed.

This love for you grew, Samantha. It grew and I did not care. Did not see where this would go, did not think about it. All I knew is that I was happy and I felt lucky having you. For years I have waited for you, Samantha. And I finally have you. The arguments that came, I did not pay much heed. After all, what kind of relationship does not have arguments or disagreements? I knew more about you, your talents, your fears, your thinking. I started thinking like you too. I started to be one with you. I did not know how this love would turn out, Samantha.

That day when we broke up over a stupid argument was the day that shattered me. It shattered us both. We did not even get a few things straight. You left with my heart and I was left with a head full of questions. My veins were then filled with anger and depression. Wasn't I good enough? Shouldn't I have done that? Perhaps I could have stopped the break up. Why did I only think about it when everything is over? And you even filled me with the hope that maybe we could get back together again. I was so ready for it. I waited for you like waiting for rain in the desert. My love for you was not broken yet.

Before I realised it, my love turned into obsession over you. You seemed to be doing better than me, Sam. I followed the news about you. I knew where you went, I read about your growing talents. How you became a model to how you were growing as a singer. Your pictures are amazing and your songs are great. I knew your talents would get you far someday. I was happy when you called to ask me how I was. Despite your busy schedule you did not fail to know about your old flame. At that time I couldn't help thinking, "Am I still your flame?"

Unfortunately you disappointed me again and again. I found that you had so many fans, so many suitors, and so many admirers. What am I compared to them? When I needed you, you weren't there. You were busy with your work; practically married to it. And like a foolish man waiting for water to fall from the sky in the desert instead of looking for it, I was slowly dying of thirst.

One day I finally decided I can't do this to myself any longer. I tried to break my habit; my obsession with you. And like a blind man who had just gotten new eyes, I slowly adjusted to my surroundings; my life without you, without being blinded anymore. No doubt, I still look forward to hearing your voice, to seeing your face, to have you smile at me, but I began to let those go, one by one. Obsession is a hard thing to get over.

Then I met her. She makes me smile again, Sam. I'm even laughing for real! You can't imagine how free I feel, released from your binding chains. It feels like I have been underwater for too long and am now taking my first breath of fresh air. She is nothing like you. Not as pretty as you, but I find her beautiful. Not as talented as you, but I can see something growing.

"Come out and spend time with me, Jake."

Why do you want to patch things up now? Of course I don't feel for her what I felt for you. Not yet anyway. Don't look at me that way, Sam. I am happy now and I am cured off my blindness. Or so I think. There will always be this small space for you in my heart. But other than that, I am moving on. Would a blind man go back to being blind again, Sam?

I am running ahead in this race and I wish you well.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Words Of Wisdom

Well, for those of you who feel that you're stuck or at a dead end and can't figure out why everything's happening all at once, these are some words for you. They aren't mine, I just got it from my e-mail. Words of hope for ya'll. Read and think. =)

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there. To serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be but when you lock eyes with them, you
know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible,
painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming
those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, will
power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of
good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer
stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small
tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.
Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you
experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned
from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because
they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious
to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they
love you, but because they are teaching you to love and to open your heart
and eyes to little things. Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can,
for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let
yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.

Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a
great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in
yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create your own life and then go
out and live it.

"If you take your eyes off your goals, all you see are obstacles."

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

In The Middle Of A Coin

I'm not really alone. But I do feel it. I'm not really sad. But I feel that as well. There's always two sides on everything. Just like a coin, a sheet of paper...

I don't know what I'm doing, when I could do something better. I don't know why I hate myself, when no one hates me at all. I don't know why I seek for attention, when the attention is enough. 'Cause I know some people don't have any attention at all. I don't know why I think I'm right when actually I'm in the wrong. I don't know why I feel so different from all of you...

But I do know that I have no intention of hurting anyone. When I seem evil, I might just be selfish yet not knowing my actions may hurt. I'm in a rut, a whirlpool of confusion, anything that gets me stuck. I'm stuck. So many choices to make but just one will set most things off. Why can't life be easy? No, on second thought, maybe I don't really want it to be easy. Cause without complications, where's the fun, right? No times to look back, smile and say, "I got through that. I won."

I'm sure many of you might be wondering what the heck I'm talking 'bout. Well, I have this tendency of spilling everything in public yet keeping the contents a secret. Yeah, so I like to be like that, so what? Where's the fun when there's no mystery? And I'm so so so sorry for wasting your time. If you actually read through all this. I'm just trying to release some of what's inside of me. Okay, I'll stop babbling now before your poor poor brain looses an IQ.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Outside Looking In

Solitude. That's where we all are. No matter how many jokes, how many smiles, how many laughters that are rung... we always have our times of solitude. And it always come with a dark cloud of many negative questions looming over our heads. Why?

Look to the left, look to the right, and you'll find your friends beside you. But are they with you? In your world? They can't be... because they're in theirs. No one really understands... no one can understand what is it you are going through. You sit in the dark, wondering, pondering, what's happening now? No one cares now. You're all alone with that insistent dark cloud over your head. Everyone else is moving, not caring, not noticing. You're just watching.

Just a person behind a glass window, outside in the pouring rain, looking in.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Shopping Is Not For Me

Here's a little update. I'm not a girl who shops much or even likes to shop for that matter. In fact, I just don't enjoy shopping. I didn't think much of it at first. So maybe I'm this weird girl who doesn't like shopping. But when I went 1U today with my mom to meet up with my godma and godsis, I remembered why. Shopping makes me depressed. Why? I can't get clothes my size or clothes that actually suits me. Oh OK, I can. But basically I just can't wear what girls my age would be wearing...

So I spent like *counts* half the day in 1U, looking at clothes that were way out of my budget, elegant but not for me, cute but also not for me, nice but too big, small but colour that doesn't suit me. And then when we had a break, my mom already had her clothes, my godsis was satisfied with her shirts and my godmom satisfied with her brand new watch. And me? I'm to console myself with mashed potato. I suddenly felt like a super-thin-board-non-feminine-like creature because whatever I try (even if it's the SMALLEST size), it's still loose. I felt ugly.

I was just about to give up looking for my clothes. Just get my friend's shirt (it's a birthday present that I wanted to buy long ago) and go home. But my godsis dragged me to this shop called Plastic and chose a few shirts. And guess what? They fit and it looks nice! Guess what again? It cost a bomb! So ok, I told the shop girl there that I'll think about it and went outta da shop. Next was Body Glove. After much thinking and trying on shirts, I finally decided to settle on 2 shirts (one black and another army green) for RM70. Which brings me to one conclusion: I can only wear casual clothes that are branded and expensive. And I cannot, in anyway, touch clothes that are formal, feminine, and elegant.

Now how depressing is that? Ah well, I'm a little cheered up now. At least I got my shirts and have this new found proof that black does not make me look any skinnier. I think I'll buy more dark clothes now. Will suit my mood when I do happen to go shopping again (which won't happen unless I'm shopping for a friend's present... but that won't make me depressed). And what am I doing here? I have CHEMISTRY and ADD MATHS TOMORROW. I'm a skinny pig.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Personality Test

How true can a personality test be? Oh well, took this out of curiousness.
Get To Know Yourself Better

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

The Stork Has Come

Its wings spreaded to its full length and soon it was on its way through the air, with a slightly heavy bundle in its beak. Several moments later, it reached a house and placed the little bundle at the door. Saying a few blessings and prayers, it spreaded its wings again and flew away...

What am I crapping about? My brother and his wife is expecting a baby!!! It's ON IT'S WAY!!! She's two months pregnant I think cause the baby is due in december! Woohoo! December baby! I'm going to be an aunt! OMG.

My mom gave me the shock after chatting on the phone with my brother. She was like, "Joanna, guess what?"


"You're going to be an aunt."

"AAAHHH??? Mee Kin jie jie's pregnant?!?" then followed with my cheerings and my mom's laughter. My dad was like, "So fast going to be grandpa. Ohmygod."


Vectors Give Good Blood Flow

Ladies and gentlemen, Kien has blushed for the second time in her life. And this time she didn't know it until a slightly irritating person sitting beside her today told her. What was the cause? Something very small and very stupid. Really. I don't even know why I started blushing. And to explain the situation, I have to teach those you readers a little Add Maths!!! Don't worry. This topic is really easy. So for those younger readers (and older readers), this is a little bonus for you. You're gonna learn (or revise) a little Form 5 Add Maths.

Topic for today: Vectors.

Okay. First off, this thing touches slightly on Physics. We have scalar quantity and vector quantity. Scalar quantity is a quantity that has only magnitude (something you can count. A measurement. i.e. 4km). Vector quantity has both magnitude and direction (i.e. 4km towards the south). When you have two parallel vectors, you can find a resultant vector. Like in this diagram. We have vectors p and q. The resultant vector is p+q. This is called the triangle law which I use so often in completing my work.

Another example with X, Y, and Z as points:

So if I want to get the resultant vector of XY, I have to plus XZ and ZY together. Get me? Then later in this subject you have to get the measurements and blablabla but I'm not gonna explain it here or your poor brains will go KABOOM! So my question is this diagram:

And I'm trying to find OR. To find OR, I have to find a bunch of other vectors. One of them is OS. After I've done everything, my answers turn out to be different from the answer from the back of the textbook (I'm not cheating, just checking). So beside me happens fo be the "Add Maths Pro" and he checked for me too. For a few moments, we were puzzled. Like trying to piece together jigsaws that don't fit. He looked again. Then he pointed to my work.


Can anyone find something wrong here? That's right. After he pointed, he said something and that something struck me as funny. I burst out laughing at my mistake, covering my face in the process. I almost laughed til my tears came out (something must be wrong with my hormones today). And the person sitting beside me was like, "Eh, you blush wor!!!"

I didn't believe him. I don't easily blush. But he insisted that I did and my ears were the colour of a tomato. He's gonna make me remember this (=.="). And Von, if you're reading this, he said now you're not the only one who blushes. You've got company! Well, I don't think I'll be blushing anytime soon. It's very rare that I do. Unless I am out in the sun exercising. So nono... NO ONE is gonna make me blush. Never!!!

So there you have it. A blushing day in the life of a um... non-blusher.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Every Second That Passes Us By

Just a slight quiver of the hand. I am there by her side. I wrap the woolen blanket around her. But she continues to shiver. She isn't cold. I watch in helpless silence as she stares emptily at the wall. So obviously lost in her own thoughts. Her eyes are glazed and red from crying. She barely even registers the fact that someone had come by her side and placed a warm blanket around her shoulders. The clock continues to move its hand, announcing every second that passes us by. Every second that containes a moment of pain. Her pain.

"You see!!! I knew you could do it!" she beamed widely at me after four hours of hard practice on one of Chopin's pieces- by which the last few minutes, I managed to perfect it. Well, almost. My fingers felt like Jell-O and my brain felt like someone had stuck cotton in it but I was too happy to care how tired I felt. I did it. I turned my failure to a success. She took one of my tired hands, her smile never leaving her face. "Let's celebrate!"

Our celebration consisted of lying down on the field nearby, sipping Ribena. We were cloud watching. Like how we always do at this time of the day. I had just met her. It was just three weeks but I felt as if we knew each other for over three years. She was great. And I was way below great. I should feel inferior to her and her abilities, her charisma, her attractiveness. But she never made me feel that way. She was always pushing me to believe I could be better than what I am. That there was more than what I really am. And she proved it to me in so many different ways.

But she had a bad life. It was as if her whole smart and charming package had a price to pay. Her parents wanted to run her life like it was theirs. They expected too much from her. Get better grades, get better friends, look better, get a better job, and the list goes on and on and on. She started spending less and less time at home and more and more time trying to find a "family" that she belonged to. Her friends were no better. She had unfortunately mixed with the wrong crowd and they pushed her to do things she didn't want to or she'll be an outcast. And when one day, she couldn't meet to their "standards", they just left her. They jeered her, mocked her, threw insults at her and spreaded rumours about her. She was, in many people's eyes, an outcast. A made believed version of the rumours about her. Since then on, she always spent time at a field, just watching clouds.

That was when she met me. I was having a hard time too. Two lonely, different people at the same place and at the same time. We just seem to click. I told her about my pathetic life, but she never told me about hers. I had to peel off skin after skin, one by one to get to know how deep and hollow she really is. In the meantime, she tried to build up the broken building that I was. She cleaned my wounds and healed my pain. So here we were, under the fluffy white clouds, smiling at each other and not caring if our watches were announcing every second that passes us by.

That had been several months ago. Now, here we are. Life has gotten tougher and more complicated for both of us. I don't deny the fact that I have fallen for her and maybe she for me. Rumours had started and jeers had been made. Her parents found out and were just ashamed. They couldn't accept the fact that their daughter is with someone like me. That she accepts people like me. That she had disgraced herself and her family. They couldn't accept it until they couldn't accept her. She is not their daughter anymore.

Though I had heard her complain many times, though I had witnessed her releasing her anger, I've never seen her cave in, break down and shatter to a million pieces. Like she did just now. No matter what I did or said, she just acted as if I was invisible. Four trying hours of being with a highly emotional female who barely notices I was there. I felt that it was just hopeless being there. I was the cause of all the problems so maybe it was best I leave. But I couldn't leave her. No, not her. I put my arm around her and whisper in her ear, "I'm always there for you like you were for me. You'll get through this."

Her head turns slowly and she looks at me. Her eyes are searching mine. Then, she smiles and turned back to staring at the wall. It is small, barely noticeable. But it is a smile. And for that moment, that brief moment, I want to hold onto that second, wishing it didn't pass us by.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Believe, Laugh and Live

Reach out your hand, call my name.
Rely on me, shed your pain.
Bring forth your tears, let it out.
Relieve your worries, just shout.

Do not question, "Why me?"
No hesitation, just be,
All that you need to be.
Believe, laugh and live.

If life has no challenge, it's not the same.
Though you'd fall, treat it a game.
When you win, when you score,
Like an eagle, you will soar.

So don't give up, wipe those tears.
I'm always here to chase your fears.
Hold my hand... See, I'm real!
But an empty book is for you to fill.

Believe, laugh and live.


In case you were wondering about the empty book part: An empty book is used as a metaphor for your life. When you're born, your book is empty. Many people in your life are there to help you write it. But you are the one who gets to decide where the story goes. Don't give up when Life throws you challenges. Fill your book till there are no more pages. =)

Friday, April 20, 2007

Food For Thought, Thought For Food

"Ahahaha! Your blog sucks. My blog is better than yours..." - Fake Husband Who Shall Remain Nameless. ;)

TWO words. Who cares? The purpose of my blog is to speak out whatever's inside of me. Not to gain popularity. It is purely for fun and for my own use. I don't mind people reading and commenting my stuffs as long as they keep it polite. I would love people saying that my posts are good and that they take into consideration what I wrote. I wouldn't mind some constructive criticisms either. But this blog, is just for fun. For me. It doesn't have to be oh-so-good with 1000 visitors or with the shoutbox filled with SPAM (though it would be nice) and it doesn't have to be "cooler" or "better" than anyone elses. It's just a place where I put my thoughts and write as I like, boring or not. And frankly, I don't mind if this blog has only one reader. At least this blog still has a visitor. Thanks to whoever reads my crap. =) Oh and to anyone who comes here looking for inspiration, I'm so sorry but you've just stepped into the wrong place. Posts have been flat for months. =P

Okay, with those thoughts aside, let's crap 'bout how I feel about today. I'm tired, sleepy and possibly a little cranky. I can't get to sleep cause it's kinda late right now and dinner is coming soon. I had to prepare food for tomorrow's party (Joanna's preparing food, people!!! Pigs can fly!!!). I felt I need to do SOMETHING, since I've got no gift whatsoever to give the Birthday Girl.

First, me and a couple of friends went to Tesco to get the stuffs. It's like preparing for a famine except that we're taking whats nice to eat. I think we stayed longer at the meat section. My legs feel tired after all that walking around and standing. And I kept turning to my mom for consultation on what to buy. We had only RM100 to spend. And what do you get when you put 3 clueless girls with just a hundred to spend? Over budget. We over spent. Had to cancel out a sparkling juice before it gets scanned. They even wanted to buy other things! No money la...

So okay. Shopping done. Now we just had to prepare the food. Went home and my mom made us wash the meat first. The chicken was the lucky number one. We're supposed to clean it and pick the remains of the feather out. But we ended up doing muuuccchh more. The two didn't want their hands to smell of chicken, so they made gloves out of plastic bags they stole from Tesco. However, the plan failed and they eventually had to use their own bare hands. Hope was still buring so they tried to make gloves out of cling wraps but that failed miserably too. Then, Pau saw the amount of fat that was in the chicken skin and she kept complaining that it was cholesterol so we have to cut it out or she won't eat. So here we go, one by one, through the chicken, cleaning it and cutting out the fats. Then we rinsed and re-rinsed and rinsed the chicken wings again until our hands started looking like prunes.

Next was the lamb! Well, nothing much happened here. Just rinsing and rinsing and rinsing... And soon it was time to chop vegetables for the coleslaw. My mom showed us once with her fine (and fast) chopping skills. We watched in awe and amazement as my mom and the chopper moved harmoniously together, making the cabbage into small little pieces. I tried, and it was... o-k. Then Pau tried, and she was so cute XD! I think she hadn't held a chopper before. Then it was Michelle's turn but she said her hand was cramped, thus the cacat-ed chopping. Oh we're so shameful.

Well, Pau's dad came to pick her up so the two left. Now I'm stuck with boiled potatoes waiting to be peeled. The horror. My body and eyes can't hold up any longer... Though my fingers would still find it very easy to keep typing this. Should I keep typing? I can't find the words to decribe any other thing right now. Oh and my internet's all whacky. It keeps disconnecting after 15 minutes and then it'll redail and redail and redail for 30 minutes more before it can connect back again. It's so annoying. I can't even browse the web leisurely. I need to RUSH!

Do you think maybe I could use this post as my essay? I'm sure it reached more than 350 words.. Ah, alright, my eyes are going to go blur staring at the screen like this...

Sunday, April 15, 2007


Media. Our source of entertainment. Something we turn to in times of boredom, anger, sadness, happiness, etc.etc. It's so convenient. You can watch your favourite shows on the TV, watch movies you missed on HBO, Cinemax, and Star Movie (that is if you have Astro but I'm sure national TV shows them as well). You can watch the cartoons you used to watch when you were young (though you won't admit it to anyone) and get in tune to the lastest music videos. With the radio, you can listen to your favourite DJ talk crap, put in a CD and listen to your favourite band or singer sing. And since the technology industry grows like mushrooms after rain, you can fit all of these into a handphone and bring it wherever you want, stream whatever you want and whever you want (provided you have the money for it). My point is, the media is our escape for relief and boredom.

BUT, isn't it all a little scary? I mean, with all these convenient entertainments creeping up, maybe the thing we need to escape from, is them! Most teens (and adults) nowadays can't live without their mobile. It's a convenient tool for communication and last time, it was just that. Now, it's a tv-radio-camera-computer all rolled, squished, and compacted into one! We can't escape it (unless of course, you throw away all means of technology, run away to the jungle and live like the orang asli)! It's so easy for us to become addicted.

Look at those who play online games or any games for that matter. They can spend hours on end just trying to freaking level up! To those who don't play games, you would view this as completely pointless. Throw away time to just get to the next level? OMG!!! (G=Goodness, not God. Thou shall not use the name of your Lord in vain.) But to them, it's like scoring A's in an exam or sniffing drugs to get high. It's a rush of endorphin and just a dash of andrenaline. Games are even used as a mean to escape into a fantasy, to keep the mind off things and/or complicated problems. And like drugs, once you're on it, you're completely hooked. I congratulate those of you who had stopped your gaming addiction.

And the internet. It has access to almost anything now. 24 hours won't complete the search cycle of everything in it. It's like a bottomless pit filled with useless and useful information. Music lovers would search for their music, graphic lovers would search for pictures to play in photoshop, gamers will look for their games, and the others are just happy chatting their time away. It's hard not to get addicted. It's hard to escape.

These entertainments eat our time and excrete it to the land of no turning back time. We'll procastinate, fight for the remote controls, and spend money on bills. Then, once we have a chance to come up for air, we realise what precious time we've wasted. Soon, they pull us back again and we continue to procastinate! Can we ever escape entertainment's death grip???

Well, maybe not. We're so used to these things that we find it hard to live without. For those of you who aren't affected by entertainment technology, I applaud you. Either that or you're just too busy. If that's the case, I pity you. Now that I've neared the end of this almost pointless post, I shall continue searching for stuff to do... on the internet.

I'm a sinner. Back to procastinating...

Monday, April 9, 2007

Living In My Fantasy

Are you what I imagined you to be?

Or are you just a fiction of my fantasy?

Stay near to me and make me smile

Make something all worth while

Let me live in this dream created with hope

Started by the many pains that ever glow

A world where there is a happy destiny

So what if I'm living in my fantasy...

Have you forgotten me with passing time?

Do you not see the intention in this rhyme?

With the outward smiles and laughters flow

The inward feelings, who will know?

Maybe too many mistakes had been made,

Until forgetting is not adequate.

Sometimes we only appreciate what was lost,

Regretting the fates that turn and toss.

Sing our lullaby, sing it to me

Sing of the times that will never be

And I dream the path of endless search

To reach the end of rewarding mirth.

Let me live in this dream created with hope

Started by the many pains that ever glow

A world where there is a happy destiny

So what if I'm living in my fantasy...


Saturday, March 31, 2007


Death can sometimes be so near... You might not notice it because it creeps up on you, brushes you, breathes silently as you go, unaware and unprepared, along the life you lead. Death is always seen as a dark thing. A shadow, looming over, engulfing all the light. Death does not need to know your name, your age, or your status. It does not care.

Death holds a grip on you and might not let go. If you are strong enough, you would be able to throw it off. But what if you are old and graying? Would you have the strength to fight? And under that, you are undergoing chemotheraphy. Purgatory on earth. Would you still be strong?

Death is looming over... it could be your loved one, could be your enemy, or it could be you.

Is death actually worth fearing?

Thursday, March 22, 2007


Love is blind. Many fell in love and got blinded in the process. Teenagers with lots of raging hormones might mistaken lust and infatuation for love. They aren't the only ones, though. Adults too would mistake other feelings of attraction for love.

Some teens would go around in their school thinking that there is only one who is better than the rest and that there's only one in this world like their person. True, he/she could be the only one in this world like him/her. Afterall, each person is unique. But when they get out of their little high school world, they'll find that there are many people way better and attractively unique compared to their supposedly 'only one'. Adults could be blinded in a sense that they fail to notice the many flaws of their partner. That is until after marriage, of course. After the 'I do's', their eyes would start to open and the first thing that comes of mind when the light hits their eyes is, "I married this person??"

Really, love IS blind. So what excactly is love? According to scientists, love is chemistry. The feeling itself involves a number of hormones such as oxytocin, vasopressin, endorphin and some others. They are called bonding chemicals, as in bonding of humans. Chemistry changes our emotions, personality or temperament. Maybe that is why many of us are blinded by love? Because of the changing hormones and chemicals that run through our veins?

However, I view love differently. I believe love has got to be more than just chemistry. It comes from the soul. The soul lives on it, feeds on it. Chemistry burns out sooner or later. Think of those successful marriages. Surely the chemistry must have burnt out after years and years of facing each other. But why a successful marriage? Love, of course! Love doesn't mean you have to feel an attraction or lust for the person of admiration. And loving someone doesn't mean that the person is P-E-R-F-E-C-T. Love, maybe is, coming to know of all the flaws of 'the one', yet still continuing to, well, love. Just like what God did and is still doing.

As a teen, you might have felt resentment against your parents for setting too many rules, right? You hate the way they scold you, limit you, and you would certaintly hate that they don't trust you at a point. But once they're in trouble or suffering from illness, you would surely feel that little pang of panic, feel that crease over your eye brows as you start to worry... You love your parents enough that you care for them, worry for them, achieve for them. Hates and dislikes certaintly don't 'bond'. No chemistry there.

So my conclusion; chemistry isn't love or vice versa. Loving even though there are many flaws and things that don't agree with you, that's love. But who am I to say, right? I'm just a kid. And this is just my theory.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

The Randomness Of It All

Create your own quizzaaaa

For the record, the idea of a "true friend" test is absurd when you just have to click an answer for several stupid questions and be graded. I just did this for fun.

Hmm... it seems that I've been tagged.

RULE: Each player of the game starts off with the 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own 10 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose 5 people to be tagged and list their names.

Weird: I am trying to gain weight when the people around me are trying to lose weight. The irony is that they gain weight while I lose weight!

Habit: I loooovee to sing my head off. Sometimes it's embarrassing, but I prefer singing than shutting up.

Fact: I can be vain... very vain.

Weird: Sometimes feel like I don't belong in this body. Like my character inside don't match my looks. Haha.

Fact: I get emotional easily. The factors are reality, movies, music... etc. etc.

Fact: I'm crazy over Avril Lavigne. I like her music and her style even though she's changed. She still looks good and sounds good. People mature :)

Fact: My nose is sensitive to dust... I think.

Fact: I don't like perfume (except for really really mild smells). Especially those strong smelling ones. UGH! Don't those people ever realise their perfumes are overpowering?!?

Weird: I love eyes.

Weird/Habit/Fact: I think everyone can be cute. Once you get to know them, and if their personalities don't suck, you'll start thinking they look good even though first impression says otherwise.

1. Sheh Ping
2. Sheh Ping
3. Sheh Ping
4. Sheh Ping
5. Melanie Hwa

If you noticed, all 5 people are related. XD So I expect to see *starts calculating* 50 things about yourself, alright? *evil laugh*

Monday, March 12, 2007

Facts About Coke

♣ In many states the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

♣ You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days.

♣ To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

♣ To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

♣ To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

♣ To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

♣ To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

♣ To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into the load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.


♣ The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase of osteoporosis.

♣ To carry Coca-Cola syrup! (the concentrate) the commercial trucks must use a hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

♣ The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean engines of the trucks for about 20 years!

Now the question is, would you like a glass of water? Or Coke?

Friday, March 9, 2007

Weight Uplifted

I'm finally back on the internet!!! WOOHOOOOOO!!!! Was sooo internet starved.

You know what I so totally agree on? Sheh Ping's post on the 2nd of March. (You so caught my attention there, Mel!) After sooo long, I am now beginning to let go some of the grudge I held for a certain person. I realised too that in some ways I was wrong myself. True, I still don't completely trust the person (B) and I don't think I ever will, but there comes a point where I just have to let it go and forgive. And by doing that, I actually feel free, I feel happier. And I know that I can't control B's actions or thoughts or words or feelings. It's B's life, not mine. All I can do is just help all I can, do all I can, and the choices B makes, is up to B.

Plus, that hurt that I went through is actually worth it. Because now, I'm helping another person who's going through the same situation. Another big blow in life is yet to come and this time, I will be prepared to accept it and I know, it'll be worth it. God has his plans even in mysterious ways, right? I know He does.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

New Skin And Less Emotions

New skin (again)! I was dreaming of jellybeans layout and I decided to stop dreaming and start doing. I know it's a little out of proportion but meh... too lazy to organize it again. This took me like 2 days to finish! I'm still not satisfied... hmm.... whatever.

The topic today, people, is EMOTIONS. Life is filled with different colours. When you are sad, feeling dull, totally happy, so in love, tragically heart broken, and so on, you have different emotions and there is a colour to suit.

When you're happy, you feel like everything's right, everything's going your way. But what if suddenly it doesn't? What if every week, you receive bad news? What if around you, you're filled with tears, death and darkness? Have you ever felt that pain before? Have you ever swirled around in your own confusion trying to discern what is reality and what is not, what is right and what is wrong? I'm sure that in certain point in our lives, we would come across this stage.

So my next question is, given a chance, would you want to be emotionless? To not feel this pain that has been going on for months and well, maybe even years. Maybe you're experiencing too much stress, too much presurre. It's like everyone expects so much of you and no one seem to know how hard is it for you. You must score straight A's, you must be good in what you're doing, are you slacking on your work? You're not being a good friend! Or maybe you've got your heart broken and you think to yourself, "Was it my fault? My wrong? Does that person still care? Am I so insignificant?" and the people around just doesn't get your pain because they are not you. They don't know how difficult it is. They don't know how confusing it is. Or maybe, you're just lost. Unable to find out your aim, unable to get up and help yourself.

Whatever darkness it is that you are experiencing or experienced or going to experience (in some time in your life), would you take the chance and be emotionless? I have my answer but I want to hear yours. You tell me.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Just Thoughts And A Random Update

You know, it's funny how one person can make your heart just jump and run a million miles when you just happen see the person's face. Be it a picture or the real thing. Some of you may know what I'm talking 'bout. Some of you may have not experienced the jolt you receive when your eyes meet his/hers. I still remember my one and only experience and wow, I think I blushed (I don't easily blush)! And it was just a look! Unexpected look, but still, just an accidental meeting of the eyes.

Haha, and that was like years ago. *pushes spectacles back up* (=O Joanna wears SPECS?)

On another subject, I'm currently into writing stories (again). Not new ones but continuing the one I started like a thousand years ago. This would be a good thing if only this craving happened on a non-exam day. Should I show it to you guys? I feel so lazy to read a book, especially the refference book on my lap, but quite motivated to write a story. My results are going to suffer!

yes, I study on my bed...

Well, nothing much but study these few days. And when the exam finishes, a loooonnnggg article's going to make it's way to this blog right here! Now back to procastinating...

Monday, February 19, 2007

Why Does The Truth Hurt

Why is it that there is one person whom you cannot forget but that one person could forget you so easily. Be it a close friend, an ex, or a relative. I mean you find that that person is someone that just captures your attention and you find that you care what they think of you, how dumb you look with them, and you find how often you think of them. But how unfortunate would it be when they do not think so much of you than you of them?

For example, a really friendly, funny person just seems to click with you and you thought that, "Wow, she's so cool!" and maybe you would be good friends in the future. However that future just does not come because she just doesn't think of you the way you think of her. Or when you had a falling out with your best friend and you miss your friend so much you thought that your best friend would just miss you as much. But then your so called 'best friend' think only of you occasionally (or make that 'when he/she is bored').

Why so? Is it because they have been paid too much attention by others? Is it because you are just too pathetic to be around with? Or is it because they just do not care anymore. So why, even with this points in mind, do you still think of them? Why do you still care? Why do we even need to care?

You know, even when you try so hard to forget it; spend most of your time with other people, caring more for another than the person in mind, throwing yourself into work, etc. etc. the person just sticks in your head like superglue. It is like a plague you can't get rid off. Sometimes it just makes you wanna crack open that skull of yours and just dig out whatever annoying lump there is. And sometimes, it just hurts to know that really, the other person just doesn't care anymore.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

God Is Everywhere

Here's what came in my e-mail. And I think it's a really good way to see that God is everywhere and in everything.










"For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ."
1 Thessalonians 5:9

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Valentine's Day

Since Valentine is oh, so near, here's some facts about Valentine's Day. Thought it'd be interesting.

Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day -- and its patron saint -- is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.

One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men -- his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.

According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl -- who may have been his jailor's daughter -- who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.

There's also another page on the history of Valentine's. You can find it at this website. Hm... my comment? In actuallity, Valentine's Day is supposed to be some saint's day. But it had gotten so comercialised that now it's celebrated as lovers' day. Meh, it was a fun read.

Currently listening to: October by Evanescence

Saturday, February 10, 2007

I'm Healing!

The swelling on my foot has gone down!!! Woohaaha *goes crazy* now I just need to run away from my parents if they decide to take me go get x-rayed. The only thing to worry about now is my load of homework and my finger.

Hm hm so anyway, in these few days that I sat at home almost dying of boredom, I took some quizzes, watched some comedy, AND managed to find that really really cute cartoon I saw a year ago.


Pon and Zi!

I can't resist them. XD

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Bad Day But I'm Still Happy

This is really a bad day. My finger hurts. I'm typing without my right thumb. It feels sorta weird. Know what happened?

School was OK. I had only 3 lessons the whole day cause the other teachers couldn't make it. I felt soooo sleepy but still managed to get through all through school with my eyes open. When I went back home, I saw a close friend of mine playing with him. I don't know why it even bothers me! After school was house meeting. We're supposed to do high jumps today. Being me, I would, of course, try it. I mean I miss high jump! I used to do it during primary school before I shifted to Puchong and even got a medal for it.

So I tried jumping and failed several times. First I hit my own thumb and now it's still painful. I think I might have dislocated it a little or something. Hmm...

Anyway, I tried another time and wowee I made it! but I landed right between the two beddings and sprained my ankle. It was sort of a weird moment at that time actually. I was happy cause I made it and the guys were being funny at that time but I also wanted to cry cause my ankle hurts and I don't know if it's a serious thing or not. So you can imagine my face smiling and frowning at the same time. I tried to make it more into a frown than a smile (despite the pain, I couldn't help but think how strange I might have looked and what a dumbass I'm being).

You know it's a lucky thing some of the guys there were athletes and knew what to do with my sprained ankle so I ended up getting a light exercise and having a sock of ice (yes, sock. We didn't have any cloth) at my foot. Now I had it bandaged by my mom and hopefully my foot wouldn't be pain tomorrow.

Huh but the strange thing is that I don't really feel... unfortunate. I feel like laughing at my stupidity and clumsiness. Mind you, it's not self pity (although I was wallowing in self pity earlier for something else). So yeah, basically my bad day but I'm still happy.

Friday, February 2, 2007

Total Coincidence

New layout!!! Nice? Yes, No? Took me like forever to get it right. I had this picture for a very long time, wanting to do something with it. And now it's edited and in use! Yay! Am feeling so sleepy now.

Anyway, on another subject, my big dog, Bobo got given away last night. Mom was buying dog food at a pet store and she met this man who was willing to give Bobo a place to stay. She said the man was friendly, had a big house, a bulldog and a hamster. Said that his house was like a mini zoo. So around 8 p.m, this pet shop owner came to get the dog and fetch it to his new owner. This is where it started getting weird.

We went to Puteri 8, and the Pet Shop Owner got lost. He went a round to find the New Owner's house. My mom urged him to call New Owner to ask for directions, so he did. It happened that we just missed the house so he did a U-turn and stopped right in font of Von's house. I couldn't even believe it at first. It took a few seconds to realise that Von's dad was going to be the new owner. Very interesting.

Hah! Looks like I can visit Bo anytime now. How lucky is that?

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Being The Youngest

Do you know how is it like being the youngest? You're considered the 'baby' in the family. Growing up, your brother or sister doesn't want you to immitate what they do because it irritates them whereas they can immitate their own idols. Your parents will be more careful with you because they've gone through their older children and 'learn' from their mistakes. Your older brother and sister get to enjoy stuff like hanging out, driving, getting away with most stuff but when it comes to the youngest, you're most likely restricted to do certain things until you're in a certain age. Your mother would like to spend time talking to your elder sister because she is much more matured than you and could do what girls do together. You're the one just sitting there listening or just tagging along.

Then as the youngest and being the only one who's ever home, you get to witness your parents fight. At a certain time in your life when you are still growing up waiting for your turn to get out of the house, you wouldn't have the whole family sitting down and enjoying dinner together because your brother is busy with his family and your sister is somewhere far away. You don't get to talk to your brother or sister because they are not there and the only companions you play with are your dogs and your computer.

Also, you get to witness your parents grow older and weaker. When that happens, they can't work. When they can't work, no income. No income, you would have to go for local U. So you can forget your dreams of staying out of Form 6, going to Taylors or APIT or HELP or whatever private colleges and universities that come to mind. Being the youngest, you would like to make your parents proud of you and to show them that you're not as careless as your older brother or sister.

But you see, that is what will stress you. Sure you were pampered when you were younger but then when you realise you want to do something selfless, you have this whole weight on your shoulders and you would not have much confidence if what you're doing is actually gonna help you or not. Especially when you're so darn lazy and you get bad luck almost everyday.

Well, at least this is what I go through.