Monday, June 6, 2011

The One

The One. What does that even mean? The right person who completes your physical needs? The right person who completes your every whim? Or the one person who seems to (scarily) know you inside and out like a twin? If the person spoils me to death, bringing me happiness every step of the way, is he the one?

I thought that there was a sure answer to this, but then I found out it’s too subjective. Reason being is that when life condition changes, your criterions for “The One” changes as well. For example, now I can be thinking that “The One” needs to be tall, buff, handsome, understanding, sweet, etc. etc. Later, as these qualities become less important to me, I would want someone whom I simply can share my life with (I know, too general. Joanna, please be more specific).

So I spent a little time reflecting, what does “The One” mean to me generally? Surely there are patterns throughout my life that I look for the most. Maybe I have not made enough mistakes to truly know and point to a person saying, “He’s the one.” Or maybe finding Mr. Right, is not really as important right now. I guess I may just be waiting for him to fall from the sky and give me an epiphany.

Regardless of the many variables that may constitute my “The One”, here is what I think “The One” is:

He’s “The One” when I don’t need to pretend I am someone else.

He’s “The One” when he respects me and I respect him.

He’s “The One” when he knows my weakness and accepts me. Better yet, try to help me become better.

He’s “The One” when there’s still things I can learn about him.

He’s “The One” when there’s nothing more to learn about him, that I continue to love him.

He’s “The One” when he loves me and continues to love me no matter what happens.

He’s “The One” when I can accept and live with his weaknesses.

He’s “The One” when we learn things in life together.

He’s “The One” when he just is.

Screw requirements, screw check lists for future husbands. If we love each other, we will surely work to improve ourselves for each other. We will surely change for the other person, although it may take some tears, some arguments, some time and some heartache. In fact, why are we making things so complicated? The term of “The One”? What, do we think that the perfect person that we think we can spend the rest of our lives with, the one that we’ve built in our heads will just fall on our lap, custom made?

In reality, “The One” does not exist. No matter perfect you think the person is, he/she will always have this weakness that you will eventually come to dislike. Oh, he’s so messy. Oh, he’s not treating my mother well. What the hell, doesn’t he know how to care for the baby? Why can’t he help with the house chores? He’s not taking me seriously anymore! He’s so boring, we used to have a lot of fun. Crap, he doesn’t have enough money. He can’t drive me around, he doesn’t understand me, he thinks I’m fat, ZOMG he’s flirting with that GIRL! etc. etc. And then, if things don’t get talked out or solved soon enough, we eventually stop loving.

That’s our conditional love, dear humans. If the other party don’t give us what we want or meet up to our expectations, we stop loving. Fights happen, break ups happen, and divorces happen. “The One” that you so happily married, ended up being “The Zero”. Loser. But really, is it 100% the other party’s fault? Hmm…

If you think you’ve found “The One”- perfect person you can’t even believe you have him/her, well, good for you! I sincerely wish you happiness in the years to come with each other, proving skeptics that love can lasts “’til death do us part” and that perfect people really do exist- or that you just found a way to handle weaknesses and negativity from your partner.

Commitment and Faith is all you need (and other subcategories in between). That’s “The One” for me.