Friday, October 31, 2008


Sometimes a heartbreak is just a heartbreak. You can piece it back together or you could let the pieces fly loose. Different people can break your heart for many different reasons. The people who are close to you, the person you thought you knew well ends up like the person you just met on the street. A complete stranger in that momentary time of hurt and anger.

Sometimes you take a heartbreak, other times you give them. Sometimes you wouldn't even realise how big of a crack you've done on one person's heart until that heart is broken into tiny little pieces. It's really hard when you want to glue them back together. Be it yours or someone else's.

Sometimes, when you've got your heart broken, glue it back together, get it broken again, glue it back together again and broken time and time again, you just learn how to live with it. Slowly, that heart break just become a normal, everyday occurance that becomes part of who you are, your invisible friend and very much an invisible foe that you try to fight. And because it is invisible, you tend to even forget it's there. Until when the time it decides to just remind you that it is right beside you, it pokes right through your nerves and that empty, hollow space you felt just fills up with sorrow. A push from that person you thought you knew well.

But sometimes, you're the one pushing. You're no longer the victim but the predator. And then your heart breaks just as the other person's heart does, because it's the person close to you. Because you never knew you had so much strength on someone's soul. Because you realise that it isn't the other that is the monster, but you.

A relationship is like a cycle. There are times when the other hurts you, and then there are times when you hurt the other right back. Is it endless? Is it just a phase? How much of a heart break can a soul stand? How much strength does one use? And would we get so used to it until we no longer notice it's even there?

But then, sometimes a heart break goes away because you realise just how much you love that person and just how much he means to you. Maybe, you're right. Or maybe, you're just being naive. Lost in your little world that no one, not even the person closest, would understand and appreciate.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Incubus - Love Hurts

I kinda like Incubus. Particularly this song. =) Love hurts, sometimes it's a good hurt~

Love Hurts

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast to truth
(I don't want to lose what I had as a boy.)
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat.
(As common as a cold day in LA.)
Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.

I'm fettered and abused,
I stand naked and accused
(Should I surface this one man submarine?)
I only want the truth
So tonight we drink to youth!
(I'll never lose what I had as a boy.)
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Apology You Won't Know

I'm saying sorry to the biatch I hate.
That was totally immature of me.
Although you most likely won't read this blog much less know about how much I hate you and after that apologize to you, I'm sorry.
You're just a woman doing her thingy.

So have a safe trip, Biatch.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Thank You, Not!

This is going to be the most biased post ever.
I know this is cruel.
I know this is purely based on first impressions and first impressions only.
I know this isn't going to help with my reputation.
I know I'm going to sound like a total evil with what I'm going to say.
You will know that I'm very, terribly and disastourously upset when I say something out of the ordinary. And this is going to be out of the ordinary.
I know I'm being unfair.
I know I shouldn't be angry and I said I wouldn't and this would totally make me look not like the so called "angel-innocent" face I have. But screw that. When there's a way to vent my anger and disappointment, grab it. Or else I'll end up like my mom.

I hate you, Biatch!
Thank you for wasting my time,
Thank you for ruining my date,
Thank you so much for being the reason that made my day worse.
Thank you for being the reason I argue about.

You could probably win the award for being The Most Hated Person 2008 on my list. I applaud you. Bravo, bravo!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

A Kind Of Friend

Hey, you. Yeah, you. What is a friend to you? Why do you say one thing but do the next thing so differently? Are those just sweet talks you send to me? Maybe we had friction from the start. Maybe. Or maybe we were alright but as time passes us by, things change.

High school. What a different life for me. We spent our time during recesses, laughed together and when you cried, I comforted you. I was there for you. I listened to you. Or maybe I was just laughing alone, comforted no one and was there for nothing. Certain times you pushed me away, shut me out. But I didn't complain. Afterall, personal things are personal things; best left untouched. When you had trouble, I came to your aid. I pulled others in along with me. My compassion for you has made other people follow me down the road of nowhere. And my naivity lead us to a big debt.

I remember when I found out you "backstabbed" me by telling the guy I liked that I'm not a good person. A friend. What am I to you? I don't know what exactly you said, but yeah, you could be right. But telling the guy I like? Or maybe you didn't know yet I liked him. Giving a bad impression of me to other people? And I defended you when other people talked crap.

So what happened? Perhaps I shouldn't have doubted you when I did. Perhaps I shouldn't have even talked to you about something personal. Perhaps I shouldn't have criticized too much. But it involves me. Did you ever think of how I would feel? Did you ever think about what other people would think? Are you so lost in your own world that you have forgotten us? The people who helped you, the people who asked what was wrong. But soon we drifted away as we lost contact. As we don't know what in the world is happening next with you.

So what is a friend to you, huh? The people who only give you joy and not critical judgement to improve yourself? The people who spend money on you? The people who don't ask what's happening in your life? A friend. Me. You told the world I was your friend. Yet, I'm not prioritized in your list. You don't update me, you don't tell me your problems. Nothing. Just a simple few sentences of small talk.

And you. The other you. I know you're only trying to tell me what kind of friend I'm having. I know you're only caring. But you don't have to tell me her weak points. I believe that there are things even we can't see. We can't just judge so much. We don't know her. Have we been so personal with her that we know her every thought? That we 100% know her motives? We don't. So please, just leave it be. Let me have my thoughts, my perceptions and my judgement of her.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


I loooooove my course. I loooooove CIMP. But what I sometimes don't looooove is the fact that we have to do assignments. Plenty of assignments (plus quizes and tests and presentations and skits and *continues a long list*). Whoever said CIMP is easy has not been a CIMPian or perhaps, took all the easy subjects.

Here's one example of the things we have to do. Build a DNA model, complete with bonds and tags and details. I enjoyed doing this, by the way. Up til the very wee hours of the early morning (or late, late night). Procrastinated mar... what to do. I asked for it. Haha!

The materials I used.

The finished structure.

The final touch.

Looks so easy, right? It's not.

Monday, October 20, 2008

When The Waiting Gets Long

What do you do when you're in CIMP, on the 3rd floor of Sunway University, waiting for CIMP's Theme Day Photo Shoot which comes in like an hour's time and are bored?

Oh, I know! Let's play frisbee! But what do you do if you don't have the real frisbee? You improvise!

With this!

Some blue cover from some... thing.

Zaleha, my lovely team mate, concentrating hard to throw straight!

It flies!!!

Then suddenly Wing Hang came and intercepted with, "So boring-lah you all play the same thing over and over. Let's play monkey!"

She actually gave a really good idea. So we made her the monkey...

Our first monkey who tried not to let our frisbee go "overseas". Heehee.

I must warn any of you who want to try frisbee on the thrid floor with a flimsy cover. You. Will. Scare. People. A number of times our "frisbee" flew without control and tried to knock down several people. The side effects are having weird expressions stuck to their faces after that. On several occasions, our frisbee almost flew over the third floor banister. Twice it did. Once it managed to boomerang and land on second floor's flight of stairs, and another almost scratched a car on ground floor. Opps!

It was fun while it lasted =).

Saturday, October 18, 2008

My First Time

It was a sunny day that afternoon. The coulds were clear but it was bound to rain. I could feel it and could sense the looming dark clouds floating towards our direction. My senses of these things are always heightened. These kind of things tend to happen during rain, don't they? Ours happened much earlier. Before the rain clouds even came. I was on the left and he was on the right. Both of us different thoughts but with only one goal. To reach whatever we were thinking of. I felt so different. So out of this world. I could only think of getting to bed.

A flash of a sign to go. I knew it, I sensed it, I saw it. I gave a signal. We both moved. I turned myself to the right, towards him. And he went straight on. He was furious, he was fast, he was eager. Bodies clashed, our eyes widened and heart beats accelerated. Air was sucked in- a gasp. Then, my lips spread apart. A breath escaped. He looked at me and I stared right back. Adrenaline pumped. Heart beats. I heard mine. What about him? What do I do? Could this be happening? Right here, on this very sunny day.
It was a memory that was going to be stuck in my mind.
My very first time.
In the middle of... traffic.

And so both of us pulled to the side, came out of our cars and checked the condition of them. His a broken headlamp, sidelamp and a dented fender. Mine?

Oh, the pain! The pain! I could feel it as my wallet rips!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Labelled With Tags

2 tags in one post! Whoo! This is probably the last time I'll be doing tags. There's too many of them! Who would want to read, re-read and read again and again about myself? Unless of course it's a meme in a form of pictures, I don't mind. If you want to read all my tags, click the labels named tagged. Haha. So in conclusion, last tags until there's a picture tag ^o^.

Been tagged by Miharu

Three names you go by :
*Joey (Sounds so far from my name but credits to Aliza!)

Three screen names you have had :
*Innocence (was my ICQ screen name. So long time ago!)

*きんほうおう (don't know if this is right. Who knows Japanese???)

Three physical things you like about yourself :
*Uh... hair?

Three physical things you DONT like about yourself :
*Skinny bod

Three parts of your heritage :
*0.1% Javanese! (or so my mom says)
*I don't know?

Three things that scare you :
*Life after death
*Weird looking creatures (like unknown bugs...)

Three of your everyday essentials :
*Something to read or admire. =)

Three things you are wearing now :
*Undergarment. =O

Three of your favorite bands or musical arts :
Don't really have bands I fancy (except for first choice)... but oh, well.
*Linkin Park
*Creed (I'm so sad they band died out!)
*Secondhand Serenade

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeals to you:
*Face structure
*Bod (with abs!)

Three of your hobbies:
*Reading. Anything that ranges from text fiction books to mangas and comics.
*Playing on consoles. Arcades, video games, computers...
*Writing. My own very story (or thought) right out of my own world.

Three things you wanna do really badly right now :
*Play a game
*Finish up all projects (how impossible is that?)
*Manga. Haha!

Three careers you're considering / considered before :
*Vetenarian (gave that up)
*Writer (in the process... I guess?)

Three places you want to go on vacation :
*Any beautiful beaches

Three things you want to do before you die :
*Visit around the world, especially beautiful places
*Have a loving family
*Publish a story (Haha!)

And because Joanna is so kind, she won't tag anyone for this tag! Except for Eng Yew. Yay!

Been tagged by Eng Yew

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be? take revenge?
:: They will never see my beautiful face again for a very, very long time.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
:: To be successful in all I do, in all my relationships and in all my help to other people.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
:: Smokers! (I don't hate you people, I just hate the smelly odour X_X)

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
:: Ahaha! There's plenty!

5. Will you u fall in love with your best friend?
:: Yes.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
:: Hmm... I honestly don't know... I guess loving someone? Because when you love someone, be it your mother, an enemy, a crush or a stranger, that someone at some point will love you back because of the lovely actions you take.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
:: I can wait pretty long. But I cannot wait forever.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
:: Hold my secret love until I get over it and move on.

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
:: Is this a trick question?

10. Will you invite for Ex bf/gf to your wedding dinner?
:: I don't see a reason not to.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
:: Someone who still struggles to survive this cold, harsh world that we live in.

12. What's your fear?
:: To be unloved.

13. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
:: Married but poor. Single and rich would be too lonely. Though you have friends, you still laugh alone, you cry alone, you die alone (Yikes!).

15. Would you give all in a relationship?
:: I would admit a "No". Not a 100%, but something close to that. I would give my all in a marriage though.

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
:: When I really know what I want in a partner and that he's the "right one".

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
:: Yes. It sometimes takes a long time.

18.Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
:: With the same reason in Question 13, my answer would be, having a relationship, definitely!

I want to tag..
- Adeline
- Andre
- Bellyn
- Hui Huan
- Priscilla
- Whomever :)

Monday, October 13, 2008

Pink & Red Day

Last Thursday, CIMP's theme was to come in either Pink or Red and it was in support of breast cancer awareness. In fact, this October month is Pink month all around the world! It was fun, everyone had fun, pink ribbons were handed out, flyers were flying and as expected, pictures were taken.

Informational flyers

In support of breast cancer awareness.

Kyle: Adeline... what are you doing?

Me and Adeline in all her pink gloriness.

Try spotting our ribbons. (Adeline doesn't need one cause she's donned fully in pink!)

Wow, this guy is so supportive!

Putting the fun aside, the breast cancer awareness run was really good as it (hopefully) caused many of us to be more open-eyed to this rising seriousness. Now guys, if you think this doesn't apply to you and that you're free from this sort of thing, think again. About 1% of breast cancer cases are males. May not seem like a big number, but you could be in that lucky 1%. The horrors!!! Ok-lah guys, no need worry so much. I was just scaring you.

Breast cancer is the most common case and possibly also the most common cause of death among women in Malaysia. Though breast cancer isn't as common in teens as they are with women over their 40's, it is advisable for all girls and women to be aware of what's going on with their bodies. So ladies (and some rare men), don't be afraid of checking yourself. Early detection is much better than late because chances of survival are high. You can either self-check, get clinical examination, or go for a mammography. Or you could do all 3 if you really want to be sure. Just make sure you have the cash available.

Also note that if you find lumps, don't freak out. They may be there because your body is growing or undergoing hormonal changes. To know more about this and breast cancer, click the links provided below.

So here are the 7 early warning signs of cancer:

  • Changes in bowel or bladder habits, such as bleeding, constipation & diarrhoea.
  • A lump in the neck, bleeding from the nose or changes in hearing.
  • Abnormal vaginal bleeding and discharge.
  • A lump, bleeding or changes in the breast or nipple.
  • Difficulty in swallowing or frequent indigestion & abdominal discomfort.
  • Bothersome persistent cough or hoarseness of voice.
  • Sores that do not heal or changes in a mole or wart.

Early detection is better than late because there is a cure. However, prevention is better than cure, don't everyone agree? :) To prevent breast cancer is to love your body.


Lower your risk by:

  • Not smoking. If you already do, do quit.
  • Exercise, exercise, exercise!
  • Eat more fruits and vegetables.
  • Maintain a healthy weight.
  • Manage stress in your life. (Whatever affects you psychologically, affects you physically)
  • Monthly breast self examinations.
  • Get mammography screening.

Nifty sites and articles that I went for infos:
Young Adults Program
Outsmart Breast Cancer
Malaysia Oncology
National Cancer Society
Malaysia and Breast Cancer

Thursday, October 9, 2008

There She Is!!! (Step 3)

Here's the third part of the series. The story evolves more here and the ending leaves you in suspense! Still cute. Their names are finally introduced in this part. I think Doki (the rabbit) is really cute. She never seem to give up! Maybe you could try some dating tips from these two? Haha! Credits to SamBakza from Newgrounds.

Haven't watched the second part? Watch There She Is!!! (Step 2)

Due to slow uploading time, the flash will not be posted here. Please click the link below to watch.

There She Is!! (Part 3)

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

There She Is!!! (Step 2)

Here's the second part of the series. Hope you enjoyed the first ^^. This time Mr. Cat finally made an effort to a better relationship!

Again, these flash animations are not mine. They belong to SamBakza from Newgrounds.

Haven't yet watched the first part? Watch There She Is!!! (Step 1)

To pause or stop the flash, right-click on the flash and uncheck the play option.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

There She Is!!! (Step 1)

If my blog is loading really, really slow despite your fast internet connection, do inform me.

Anyway, I found this while browsing through This flash animation is not mine and all credits goes to SamBakza from Newgrounds. It's a really cute flash animation about a rabbit in love with a cat and the troubles they go through. I know it sounds a little stupid, but try it ;). It's worth the watch. I'll be updating the other parts soon so stay tuned!

To pause or stop the flash, right-click on the flash and uncheck the play option.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

The Weird, The Good, Then The Ugly

I've always like to listen to stories, especially ones that are almost too absurd to be true or so mysterious and supernatural. I've always, always love the ways of the fictional because you could create just about anything in it.

Sometimes, weird stories could make you laugh. Like an absurb story that slowly forms itself into a joke. Or maybe some stories just make you ponder how in the world it got to that state. A mystery or a spur of stupidity.

When I found this true article about one man's suffering, I learnt that fact could be much weirder than fiction. In fact, in fiction, you would have to somehow make sense. Real life facts however, could be just any darn thing it can.

This one fact is weird, but not as much as it is painful.
(Note: Not for the weak hearted. Or rather, not for the people who cannot stand pain.)

I'm not a guy, but whatever that poor man (well, he asked for it) went through deserves an "Oowww..."! So here comes my time in pondering a couple of Life's anguish and pain. I couldn't, for the mean time, decide which is worse; to push a fully developed baby through the vagina, or having your scrotum ripped and your testis fall out.