Just a slight intermission between updates. Just so I can have a chance to blab out stupid insecurities, nonsensical ideas, and probably some disturbing facts. This won’t be anything else but rants and complaints. Okay so here goes.
I believe I might be close to a panic attack or a break down. Not the metaphorical, imaginative ones everyone talks about in times of stress and they are just saying it to relieve themselves, but the real one. You know, the one where you actually have physical symptoms and need some sort of technique or clinical help to calm you down?
I feel like I am so screwed right now. About a week from now, on the 29th of November 2010, final exams will be here. I have over 4 subjects to cover with about, I think, 12-14 chapters each and tons of journals to read through. I had started studying on the 2nd week of November, fooled around a bit (quite an understatement), and oh lookie, happy me, covered only 1 topic of 1 subject. I haven’t done any other. And oh goodness, the journal that I am reading right now never seems to end! Why can’t researchers just bloody get to the point?!
Every time I take a short break from reading or to do something (like what I am doing now), I feel like there’s this sense of impending doom. I’m doomed. I have this little stress that I carry in my head throughout the whole entire day and it doesn’t go away.
The worse is that after resting a little bit, when I look at the books, I feel like I just want to quit. I want to stop studying, stop working (which I will be doing later tonight), just stop everything and lie down and do nothing. Yup, nothing. I. am. so. tired. Geez, and classes keep going on even if lectures are over. Lecturers, PLEASE GIVE US A BREAK!
I am really not looking forward to 29th November, even if it meant exams are here and it will be over soon so that I can enjoy myself, because I am not ready. I feel like I’m the most not-ready-for-exam-student among all my friends (whom seem to be doing very well with their studying so far). I want a hug, I want to procrastinate longer, and I want everything that doesn’t deal with freaking finals.
And here I thought this would be a short post. Alright, time to go.