Because I have lots of stuff to say, but don’t know how to say it.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
So I was browsing around, finding for music to download in one of my favourite music sites when I saw this:
Spot something I spotted? Haha! This is still a little weird to me. Still trying to get used to seeing someone in adverts.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Note: Double post! Wut? Also overdue .
How is it that time passed so fast? Was it because of the partying or the constant not-being-at-home? I was supposed to finish composing my short story during the holidays but it never got finished due to my lack of discipline and love for procrastination. Now holidays are almost over and I’m finding myself getting nervous everyday, anticipating my results for last semester (which I predict will be bad or very, very bad).
On another note, I noticed that people has been writing down what they’ve done in 2010 and what they wish to be done in 2011. I thought it would be fun to do the same, but changed my mind because that’s just plagiarizing in some way (don’t want to do it now) and also I cannot remember much of what happened in 2010… okay, I’m lying. I’m too lazy to think back.
I am sure many things happened between 2010 and 2011, good and bad. I need to remember to learn from the bad parts and throw them away. The good parts, I hope I keep them. I’m not about to make a list of resolutions, simply because:
1) I am never good with following listed goals.
2) Because of #1, my resolutions always fail.
However, I do want to send out a message to the people whom had a significant impact in my life. These people are my family, my high school friends, my Psycho Family, my yam cha friends, my used to be admirers, my online friends, my exes, my besties, my Goat and my guinea pigs and ex-dogs (who say pets don’t understand, hah?). Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for making my life more colourful than it is. Though there are times when we exchanged negative feelings, motive of caring and of love is always there. Life wouldn’t be the same without you bunch of people. I hope the 2011 will bring you more blessings and improvement in yourself and things around you. Piece of advice is to not trust fortune tellers, horoscopes, palm readers and all those sorts. They do not make your life, you won’t get rich if you just wait for it and you won’t get bad luck if you’re careful with what you do. Don’t ever go to read them or find out anything, because once they get in your head, it will directly or indirectly affect the way you live your life and therefore in the end, it happens. All the best!
Note: This is very overdue. May be long.
Christmas is now here. I feel like days pass by so fast. It seems as if it were yesterday that I was freezing myself off in the anxiety filled exam hall. Well, not really anxiety. There’s a hint of nervousness plus a little dreamy effect once you walk into the exam hall, watching everybody get ready, students and invigilators alike. Then when you open up the exam sheet, your world minimizes and becomes just you and the exam questions. What interesting transition. But I shall not write a post on exams. After all, it has long gone and it wouldn’t suit the title above now, would it?
Christmas. It used to be so anticipated, so fun, so new and exciting no matter how many times you’ve celebrated it before. The idea of receiving presents and hoping to receive something good from the many, many givers during the season, the idea of having so many people walking around the house because of a party, the idea of having delicious food to eat during those parties, the idea of singing carols and drinking like there’s no tomorrow; they used to be something I experienced and enjoyed. Then it got to a time whereby these Christmas activities suddenly start to fade away its effects. Was it because I grew older or was it because of my father’s death? Or perhaps both?
After his death, whenever Christmas comes around and they start to play those nostalgic Christmas songs (e.g. White Christmas, Winter Wonderland, O Holy Night) I start to feel sad. Christmas songs had gone from happy festival feeling to just annoying. “Shut up, I don’t want to hear it,” would be my thought when those songs start to play. What is Christmas, if I cannot celebrate it with my father? He used to be there for 16 Christmases and now he’s not anymore. Now when I go to parties as described before, I feel as if… I used to have those, not that I have those now. Do you see what I mean? Even though I am experiencing it right then and there, I feel as if I’m not and it’s a long ago thing. Christmas, to me, became a sad event.
Then someone asked me what’s the meaning of Christmas to me. And hello, Joanna who is a Christian, so shameful of you. Christmas as not meant to be wearing Santa hats, singing and drinking until you feel like you reach heaven. Christmas did not lose meaning because your father died and now you no longer have barbequed lamb, his out of tone singing and his cheeky laughter. Why do you feel nostalgic for the things that, if you pan out, mean nothing at all?
What does Christmas mean to you? Tearing out presents from their wrappers or having a blast with friends? Showing off your house that can fit a number of people enough for a Chinese wedding dinner? And Santa. I am starting to get annoyed with songs singing about Santa and how he/she saw his/her mother kissing Santa under the mistletoe last night or how they would want Santa to bring them their desired gifts or how one would want Santa all by herself. Who in the world is Santa? Why would anyone want a fat man with a full white beard who only dress in the same clothes every single year (and the only thing he says is, “Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas!”) all by themselves? Why is Santa fat? Does he sit idle the whole year and only works for one day? Isn’t that lazy? Does the North Pole even contain elves and a fat man that dominates an entire factory that makes presents that are desired by people all over the world? Where do they get their resources? How do they get it? Who’s paying for it?! Ok, I’m rambling a little.
The fact is, if they say Christmas is about giving, we’ve been given a very big, out of this world gift. We are all sinners. By sinning against God, who gave us life and is almighty, our punishment is only death. We deserve it. But because God loved us, He came down to earth as a humble human. He gave us His son, Jesus. God in the image of man. Weak, helpless and just as tempted as any other human. Yet, Jesus followed his Father’s wishes, got ridiculed, insulted, beaten and died on the cross bearing all our sins, taking God’s wrath for us. He will come again to judge. Christmas is that remembrance, the day that salvation arrived for the lost souls.
P.S: This was meant to be more than what was typed out… but halfway through I got too analytical about what to say and how best to put it that I stopped and hoped inspiration will come later. I stopped a little too long only to have my inspiration run dry. This, I think is a really pathetic preaching (hard to understand, too light on the surface), but I figured I got to finish up the message before I leave it in the draft to rot and die. But yes, in a nutshell, this is what I think Christmas is meant to be.