All I Want For Christmas Is...

If a wish were to be granted, if Santa Claus really did exist, if the world is like a fairy tale, if reality was like any happy ending story books, if I could write it out and it became true, I have none but one wish...

I want my father back.

Want to know one of my darkest, deepest secrets? When he about to go and when he left, I felt this little tinge of relief. Why? Because I knew that I would get just a bit more freedom from the wary eyes of a parent. And now, when I think about it, I feel that sense of guilt. What daughter would think of happiness when her father passes away? What sort of monster am I?

And here I am, writing a post about my father. The father I had loved- I believe I had always loved, will always love. The father whom had worked so hard just to bring up the family he loved. The father whom I once thought was too strict, too harsh, unemotional except for impatience and anger... But no, he was just being a parent. Just being who he is. And I am all that little bits and pieces of him. I am impatient, I am hot-tempered, I love food, I love music- I am just those little puzzles of his existance.

I miss him so much. I miss the times when he used to cook on Sundays, the times when he used to take us out for a family dinner, the times when he used to sing and sing bad (out of tone. haha), the times when he would be standing by the BBQ stand when we had parties, the times when he told us stories from overseas (China, USA, Germany etc. etc.), the times when he planned for our holidays, the times when he nagged at me, the times when he told me off for singing so loud at night that he couldn't sleep, the times when...

I miss so much. His voice, his smile, his everything. And to think that I used to hate all his naggings and strict rules only to come to miss it so much.

And I am sad. Sad because I keep replaying again and again his last moments at the hospital; the way his hands were so weak that he couldn't even sign his name, the times he had cried (even at home), the way he hugged me, he way he sounded, the music he wanted, then when it got worse... his laboured breathing, the way he couldn't focus on anyone... Did he even hear me? I am also sad because whenever I listen to those familiar, happy christmas songs, I start to think of him. It's so stupid! To be sad on Christmas season.

I only got to see him just 17 years of my life. I wish I could see more. I wish I could have known more. I want to listen to his stories again, to be taken out to eat, to learn what I could have learned from him. I wanted him to be there when I graduated. I wanted him to be there when I was confused with something. I wanted someone to look for because I was certain he would be sure of the answer. Actually, I still want those.

There's so many things that I ought to say about him. About how great he is, about how I wouldn't trade him for any other father in the world. But that could take all day. That could take days. That could take a few posts.

I never found reason enough to have a wishlist. Now I do.
I want my father back. That's all.
And that's an impossible wishlist.

CIMP Prom Night 2008

I've had my fun in CIMP. I'm surely going to miss all of the people I've met, the crazy stuff that they do, their creativity, their enthusiasm, activities we do, theme days and lots more. What I won't miss is the hectic datelines and the load of assignments the lecturers bombarded us poor students with.

So I know this is a little late, but here's a few pictures from CIMP Prom Night 2008!
Note: Please click on the photos for a much better quality. Blogger screwed up the dimensions :(

First up....


This is me


This is me with my date... who's sleeping. On Prom Night.


Here's the awake version of him!


These are the dancers on the tiny little dance floor.


These are the ladies. More ladies are busy chatting at their tables.


These are the gentlemen (for only that night). More gentlemen are busy chatting at their tables.


And this is a very cool picture, don't you think? I like Aliza's (the girl in white with her mouth hanging open) expression.


This is Mr. and Mrs. Smith... Malaysian version.


This is 3 gorgeous girls promoting Adeline's display bag which is seriously non-functional. You can't even fit a wallet in it!


And this is us with our CIMP director and his wife... whom is almost covered by us tall people.


Last but not least, here's a video of us dancers in Tango action!

Halfway To Heaven

Yeah, I know that this blog is halfway to heaven.

I have 10 reasons.

1. I was sick
2. I was away
3. My internet screwed up
4. I'm back on but...
5. I'm so engrossed in the Twilight series (the book)
6. My posts contains loads of pictures that I need to resize and upload
7. I'm searching for a job (this point is irrelavent, I know)
8. I'm writing my stories
9. I'm lazy
10. I will post something up soon.

SORRY!!!

I'm Free!

I'm free, I'm free, I'm free!

WHEEEEEEEE!!! Now I just need to work HARDER!



Yes, people! Pigs can fly. I have so much free time on my hands that I don't know what to do. So I'm going to concentrate on writing stories! The stories that I have wanted and yet to complete.

But keep watching this blog. 'Cause I'll be posting sad posts soon. One of them involves my life in CIMP. I know, I know, how boring. But I really want to make that post. Aiya, bare with my emoness a while la.

Right now, I'll give you a biiiigg, biiiig SMILE!


I know, cute right?

Sigh the freedom is messing with my head.

Finals Sucks

And the one reason why I'm MIA and still going to be MIA for the next week as well as running low on inspiration...



Just gotta love those exams, eh?

Long Road

A stretch of disappointments... that lasts a few days. I know it'll all soon fade away. Maybe, one day. But is this normal? There's so many things that we don't see eye to eye. We have needs... but I'm not sure if you understand my needs? I'm not even sure if I understand your needs?

I'm not a person of complete logic. I don't go by the book and stay on the straight path the whole way. I believe in branching out and experiencing things or thinking thoughts never experienced or thought before. We make a complimenting couple... but somehow I feel that I can't fully connect emotionally with you? It could be such a long way more before I truly can.



I'm not a person who would be able to support you financially. Take me as a child in the form of a young adult, it doesn't matter. Because at the back of my head, I know I am. Yes, in some ways I am naive. I'm a complete ignorant on the wicked ways of life. But I believe in holding unto moral values. Values that I hold so dear to my heart. I believe in the term called, "Hope". Hope for me should be high... or I wouldn't even be surviving right now. Because I'm a naturally weak person. I think. With those values and hope I try to help you with, whether you actually wanted it or not.

Because I care.

But I don't know if you see it. I don't know if you realise it. I'm a person who can't do much for the physical world. I can, however, help with the psychological one. If you need a source for comfort, a source of comfortable advices, I am always here. I'm a person who'd go through great lengths, albeit stupid, to get everything to fall into place again. Because I care. I don't mind helping with your self-esteem or your current troubles. I care for your future mental health, emotional wise. But I can't do much for your pride. A pride that will grow big one day and in danger of being destroyed. If I've helped in anyway on your emotional side, I feel accomplished. I feel like I've actually been of use. Other than that, I'm utterly useless... so how do I show my love to you in a way that you understand?

I actually logged on to talk about something deeper and clearer for you to understand. But it turns out my brain is whacked. I can't form the correct sentence. I'm repeating myself. Words are lost.

My words are always lost.

I'm sorry for that. For not making you understand.

Two Tickets To...?

Well, well...

Didn't expect that a non-CIMPian would invite me to my own CIMP event.



Looks like I'm going after all =)

Decisions

Decisions. They are part of what shapes your life. Every moment of thought, every second of comprehending, every move you take channels to the decisions you are about to take. Sometimes decisions need to be carefully thought out, need to be well planned. And sometimes, decisions just need to be taken immediately just like in a case of emergency. Decisions need to be good because once a decision is made, it can't be taken back. There's only repair work to do. But what happens when you are faced with a dilemma in decisions. It can be good either way. What if you chose the worse instead of the better?

And why is it that we sometimes make decisions that we said we wouldn't make? I used to dislike people like that. They who say one thing but do the other. I called them hypocrites. However, for now I find myself being just like the people I dislike. I guess now I understand how is it like when you're faced with a dilemma. I'm sure everyone reading this has, at certain time, been an "I won't do that" person to someone who did it later on. What is the main reason that we do these things anyway? Did we just end up making the wrong choice? Or are we now finally understanding how it is to be in a certain situation?

Were we thinking straight? For example, I had a friend who said that she wouldn't give out her virginity easily. But somehow, along the way in a short term relationship with a boy, there goes it. Makes me wonder about the people who were/are like my friend (The focus here isn't my friend, but the decision she made. Remember, DECISION!). What were they thinking? Did the guy give pressure? Was it something done semi-consciously? Or did something happen and things just got desperate?



I wonder what drives us to make a decision we say we wouldn't. Desperation? Thought was the right thing? A sudden lost of rationality? The Devil attacked? I wonder how many times we regret making those decisions. I know I've done a load of things that I say I wouldn't. Sometimes I regret them, sometimes I feel scared and sometimes I question myself, "Did I just do that? Was it the right thing? Was it worth?". But the main fact is, I've become a hypocrite.

Who isn't anyway?

Heartbreak

Sometimes a heartbreak is just a heartbreak. You can piece it back together or you could let the pieces fly loose. Different people can break your heart for many different reasons. The people who are close to you, the person you thought you knew well ends up like the person you just met on the street. A complete stranger in that momentary time of hurt and anger.



Sometimes you take a heartbreak, other times you give them. Sometimes you wouldn't even realise how big of a crack you've done on one person's heart until that heart is broken into tiny little pieces. It's really hard when you want to glue them back together. Be it yours or someone else's.

Sometimes, when you've got your heart broken, glue it back together, get it broken again, glue it back together again and broken time and time again, you just learn how to live with it. Slowly, that heart break just become a normal, everyday occurance that becomes part of who you are, your invisible friend and very much an invisible foe that you try to fight. And because it is invisible, you tend to even forget it's there. Until when the time it decides to just remind you that it is right beside you, it pokes right through your nerves and that empty, hollow space you felt just fills up with sorrow. A push from that person you thought you knew well.

But sometimes, you're the one pushing. You're no longer the victim but the predator. And then your heart breaks just as the other person's heart does, because it's the person close to you. Because you never knew you had so much strength on someone's soul. Because you realise that it isn't the other that is the monster, but you.

A relationship is like a cycle. There are times when the other hurts you, and then there are times when you hurt the other right back. Is it endless? Is it just a phase? How much of a heart break can a soul stand? How much strength does one use? And would we get so used to it until we no longer notice it's even there?


But then, sometimes a heart break goes away because you realise just how much you love that person and just how much he means to you. Maybe, you're right. Or maybe, you're just being naive. Lost in your little world that no one, not even the person closest, would understand and appreciate.

Incubus - Love Hurts

I kinda like Incubus. Particularly this song. =) Love hurts, sometimes it's a good hurt~

Love Hurts

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast to truth
(I don't want to lose what I had as a boy.)
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat.
(As common as a cold day in LA.)
Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.

I'm fettered and abused,
I stand naked and accused
(Should I surface this one man submarine?)
I only want the truth
So tonight we drink to youth!
(I'll never lose what I had as a boy.)
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.

Apology You Won't Know

I'm saying sorry to the biatch I hate.
That was totally immature of me.
Although you most likely won't read this blog much less know about how much I hate you and after that apologize to you, I'm sorry.
You're just a woman doing her thingy.

So have a safe trip, Biatch.

Thank You, Not!

This is going to be the most biased post ever.
I know this is cruel.
I know this is purely based on first impressions and first impressions only.
I know this isn't going to help with my reputation.
I know I'm going to sound like a total evil with what I'm going to say.
You will know that I'm very, terribly and disastourously upset when I say something out of the ordinary. And this is going to be out of the ordinary.
I know I'm being unfair.
I know I shouldn't be angry and I said I wouldn't and this would totally make me look not like the so called "angel-innocent" face I have. But screw that. When there's a way to vent my anger and disappointment, grab it. Or else I'll end up like my mom.


I hate you, Biatch!
Thank you for wasting my time,
Thank you for ruining my date,
Thank you so much for being the reason that made my day worse.
Thank you for being the reason I argue about.


You could probably win the award for being The Most Hated Person 2008 on my list. I applaud you. Bravo, bravo!

A Kind Of Friend

Hey, you. Yeah, you. What is a friend to you? Why do you say one thing but do the next thing so differently? Are those just sweet talks you send to me? Maybe we had friction from the start. Maybe. Or maybe we were alright but as time passes us by, things change.

High school. What a different life for me. We spent our time during recesses, laughed together and when you cried, I comforted you. I was there for you. I listened to you. Or maybe I was just laughing alone, comforted no one and was there for nothing. Certain times you pushed me away, shut me out. But I didn't complain. Afterall, personal things are personal things; best left untouched. When you had trouble, I came to your aid. I pulled others in along with me. My compassion for you has made other people follow me down the road of nowhere. And my naivity lead us to a big debt.

I remember when I found out you "backstabbed" me by telling the guy I liked that I'm not a good person. A friend. What am I to you? I don't know what exactly you said, but yeah, you could be right. But telling the guy I like? Or maybe you didn't know yet I liked him. Giving a bad impression of me to other people? And I defended you when other people talked crap.

So what happened? Perhaps I shouldn't have doubted you when I did. Perhaps I shouldn't have even talked to you about something personal. Perhaps I shouldn't have criticized too much. But it involves me. Did you ever think of how I would feel? Did you ever think about what other people would think? Are you so lost in your own world that you have forgotten us? The people who helped you, the people who asked what was wrong. But soon we drifted away as we lost contact. As we don't know what in the world is happening next with you.

So what is a friend to you, huh? The people who only give you joy and not critical judgement to improve yourself? The people who spend money on you? The people who don't ask what's happening in your life? A friend. Me. You told the world I was your friend. Yet, I'm not prioritized in your list. You don't update me, you don't tell me your problems. Nothing. Just a simple few sentences of small talk.

And you. The other you. I know you're only trying to tell me what kind of friend I'm having. I know you're only caring. But you don't have to tell me her weak points. I believe that there are things even we can't see. We can't just judge so much. We don't know her. Have we been so personal with her that we know her every thought? That we 100% know her motives? We don't. So please, just leave it be. Let me have my thoughts, my perceptions and my judgement of her.

Assignments!

I loooooove my course. I loooooove CIMP. But what I sometimes don't looooove is the fact that we have to do assignments. Plenty of assignments (plus quizes and tests and presentations and skits and *continues a long list*). Whoever said CIMP is easy has not been a CIMPian or perhaps, took all the easy subjects.

Here's one example of the things we have to do. Build a DNA model, complete with bonds and tags and details. I enjoyed doing this, by the way. Up til the very wee hours of the early morning (or late, late night). Procrastinated mar... what to do. I asked for it. Haha!



The materials I used.


The finished structure.


The final touch.


Looks so easy, right? It's not.

When The Waiting Gets Long

What do you do when you're in CIMP, on the 3rd floor of Sunway University, waiting for CIMP's Theme Day Photo Shoot which comes in like an hour's time and are bored?

Oh, I know! Let's play frisbee! But what do you do if you don't have the real frisbee? You improvise!

With this!

Some blue cover from some... thing.


Zaleha, my lovely team mate, concentrating hard to throw straight!


It flies!!!

Then suddenly Wing Hang came and intercepted with, "So boring-lah you all play the same thing over and over. Let's play monkey!"

She actually gave a really good idea. So we made her the monkey...


Our first monkey who tried not to let our frisbee go "overseas". Heehee.

I must warn any of you who want to try frisbee on the thrid floor with a flimsy cover. You. Will. Scare. People. A number of times our "frisbee" flew without control and tried to knock down several people. The side effects are having weird expressions stuck to their faces after that. On several occasions, our frisbee almost flew over the third floor banister. Twice it did. Once it managed to boomerang and land on second floor's flight of stairs, and another almost scratched a car on ground floor. Opps!



It was fun while it lasted =).

My First Time

It was a sunny day that afternoon. The coulds were clear but it was bound to rain. I could feel it and could sense the looming dark clouds floating towards our direction. My senses of these things are always heightened. These kind of things tend to happen during rain, don't they? Ours happened much earlier. Before the rain clouds even came. I was on the left and he was on the right. Both of us different thoughts but with only one goal. To reach whatever we were thinking of. I felt so different. So out of this world. I could only think of getting to bed.



A flash of a sign to go. I knew it, I sensed it, I saw it. I gave a signal. We both moved. I turned myself to the right, towards him. And he went straight on. He was furious, he was fast, he was eager. Bodies clashed, our eyes widened and heart beats accelerated. Air was sucked in- a gasp. Then, my lips spread apart. A breath escaped. He looked at me and I stared right back. Adrenaline pumped. Heart beats. I heard mine. What about him? What do I do? Could this be happening? Right here, on this very sunny day.
It was a memory that was going to be stuck in my mind.
My very first time.
In the middle of... traffic.



And so both of us pulled to the side, came out of our cars and checked the condition of them. His a broken headlamp, sidelamp and a dented fender. Mine?






Oh, the pain! The pain! I could feel it as my wallet rips!

Labelled With Tags

2 tags in one post! Whoo! This is probably the last time I'll be doing tags. There's too many of them! Who would want to read, re-read and read again and again about myself? Unless of course it's a meme in a form of pictures, I don't mind. If you want to read all my tags, click the labels named tagged. Haha. So in conclusion, last tags until there's a picture tag ^o^.

---

Been tagged by Miharu

Three names you go by :
*Joanna
*金凤
*Joey (Sounds so far from my name but credits to Aliza!)

Three screen names you have had :
*Innocence (was my ICQ screen name. So long time ago!)
*Kien
*きんほうおう (don't know if this is right. Who knows Japanese???)

Three physical things you like about yourself :
*Eyes
*Face
*Uh... hair?

Three physical things you DONT like about yourself :
*Skinny bod
*Teeth
*PIMPLES!

Three parts of your heritage :
*Hakka
*0.1% Javanese! (or so my mom says)
*I don't know?

Three things that scare you :
*Death
*Life after death
*Weird looking creatures (like unknown bugs...)

Three of your everyday essentials :
*Food&Water
*Laughter
*Something to read or admire. =)

Three things you are wearing now :
*Shirt.
*Shorts.
*Undergarment. =O

Three of your favorite bands or musical arts :
Don't really have bands I fancy (except for first choice)... but oh, well.
*Linkin Park
*Creed (I'm so sad they band died out!)
*Secondhand Serenade

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeals to you:
*Hair
*Face structure
*Bod (with abs!)

Three of your hobbies:
*Reading. Anything that ranges from text fiction books to mangas and comics.
*Playing on consoles. Arcades, video games, computers...
*Writing. My own very story (or thought) right out of my own world.

Three things you wanna do really badly right now :
*Play a game
*Finish up all projects (how impossible is that?)
*Manga. Haha!

Three careers you're considering / considered before :
*Vetenarian (gave that up)
*Writer (in the process... I guess?)
*Psychologist

Three places you want to go on vacation :
*Any beautiful beaches
*Japan
*Paris

Three things you want to do before you die :
*Visit around the world, especially beautiful places
*Have a loving family
*Publish a story (Haha!)

And because Joanna is so kind, she won't tag anyone for this tag! Except for Eng Yew. Yay!

---

Been tagged by Eng Yew

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.------------------------------------------------------------------------------



1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be? take revenge?
:: They will never see my beautiful face again for a very, very long time.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
:: To be successful in all I do, in all my relationships and in all my help to other people.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
:: Smokers! (I don't hate you people, I just hate the smelly odour X_X)

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
:: Ahaha! There's plenty!

5. Will you u fall in love with your best friend?
:: Yes.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
:: Hmm... I honestly don't know... I guess loving someone? Because when you love someone, be it your mother, an enemy, a crush or a stranger, that someone at some point will love you back because of the lovely actions you take.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
:: I can wait pretty long. But I cannot wait forever.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
:: Hold my secret love until I get over it and move on.

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
:: Is this a trick question?

10. Will you invite for Ex bf/gf to your wedding dinner?
:: I don't see a reason not to.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
:: Someone who still struggles to survive this cold, harsh world that we live in.

12. What's your fear?
:: To be unloved.

13. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
:: Married but poor. Single and rich would be too lonely. Though you have friends, you still laugh alone, you cry alone, you die alone (Yikes!).

15. Would you give all in a relationship?
:: I would admit a "No". Not a 100%, but something close to that. I would give my all in a marriage though.

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
:: When I really know what I want in a partner and that he's the "right one".

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
:: Yes. It sometimes takes a long time.

18.Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
:: With the same reason in Question 13, my answer would be, having a relationship, definitely!

I want to tag..
- Adeline
- Andre
- Bellyn
- Hui Huan
- Priscilla
- Whomever :)

Pink & Red Day

Last Thursday, CIMP's theme was to come in either Pink or Red and it was in support of breast cancer awareness. In fact, this October month is Pink month all around the world! It was fun, everyone had fun, pink ribbons were handed out, flyers were flying and as expected, pictures were taken.


Informational flyers


In support of breast cancer awareness.


Kyle: Adeline... what are you doing?


Me and Adeline in all her pink gloriness.


Try spotting our ribbons. (Adeline doesn't need one cause she's donned fully in pink!)


Wow, this guy is so supportive!

Putting the fun aside, the breast cancer awareness run was really good as it (hopefully) caused many of us to be more open-eyed to this rising seriousness. Now guys, if you think this doesn't apply to you and that you're free from this sort of thing, think again. About 1% of breast cancer cases are males. May not seem like a big number, but you could be in that lucky 1%. The horrors!!! Ok-lah guys, no need worry so much. I was just scaring you.

Breast cancer is the most common case and possibly also the most common cause of death among women in Malaysia. Though breast cancer isn't as common in teens as they are with women over their 40's, it is advisable for all girls and women to be aware of what's going on with their bodies. So ladies (and some rare men), don't be afraid of checking yourself. Early detection is much better than late because chances of survival are high. You can either self-check, get clinical examination, or go for a mammography. Or you could do all 3 if you really want to be sure. Just make sure you have the cash available.

Also note that if you find lumps, don't freak out. They may be there because your body is growing or undergoing hormonal changes. To know more about this and breast cancer, click the links provided below.

So here are the 7 early warning signs of cancer:

• Changes in bowel or bladder habits, such as bleeding, constipation & diarrhoea.
  
• A lump in the neck, bleeding from the nose or changes in hearing.
  
• Abnormal vaginal bleeding and discharge.
  
• A lump, bleeding or changes in the breast or nipple.
  
• Difficulty in swallowing or frequent indigestion & abdominal discomfort.
  
• Bothersome persistent cough or hoarseness of voice.
  
• Sores that do not heal or changes in a mole or wart.
  

Early detection is better than late because there is a cure. However, prevention is better than cure, don't everyone agree? :) To prevent breast cancer is to love your body.

Love!

Lower your risk by:

• Not smoking. If you already do, do quit.
  
• Exercise, exercise, exercise!
  
• Eat more fruits and vegetables.
  
• Maintain a healthy weight.
  
• Manage stress in your life. (Whatever affects you psychologically, affects you physically)
  
• Monthly breast self examinations.
  
• Get mammography screening.
  

---

Nifty sites and articles that I went for infos:
Young Adults Program
Outsmart Breast Cancer
Malaysia Oncology
National Cancer Society
Malaysia and Breast Cancer

There She Is!!! (Step 3)

Here's the third part of the series. The story evolves more here and the ending leaves you in suspense! Still cute. Their names are finally introduced in this part. I think Doki (the rabbit) is really cute. She never seem to give up! Maybe you could try some dating tips from these two? Haha! Credits to SamBakza from Newgrounds.

Haven't watched the second part? Watch There She Is!!! (Step 2)

Due to slow uploading time, the flash will not be posted here. Please click the link below to watch.

---

There She Is!! (Part 3)

There She Is!!! (Step 2)

Here's the second part of the series. Hope you enjoyed the first ^^. This time Mr. Cat finally made an effort to a better relationship!

Again, these flash animations are not mine. They belong to SamBakza from Newgrounds.

Haven't yet watched the first part? Watch There She Is!!! (Step 1)

To pause or stop the flash, right-click on the flash and uncheck the play option.

---

There She Is!!! (Step 1)

If my blog is loading really, really slow despite your fast internet connection, do inform me.

Anyway, I found this while browsing through Newgrounds.com. This flash animation is not mine and all credits goes to SamBakza from Newgrounds. It's a really cute flash animation about a rabbit in love with a cat and the troubles they go through. I know it sounds a little stupid, but try it ;). It's worth the watch. I'll be updating the other parts soon so stay tuned!

To pause or stop the flash, right-click on the flash and uncheck the play option.

---

The Weird, The Good, Then The Ugly

I've always like to listen to stories, especially ones that are almost too absurd to be true or so mysterious and supernatural. I've always, always love the ways of the fictional because you could create just about anything in it.

Sometimes, weird stories could make you laugh. Like an absurb story that slowly forms itself into a joke. Or maybe some stories just make you ponder how in the world it got to that state. A mystery or a spur of stupidity.

When I found this true article about one man's suffering, I learnt that fact could be much weirder than fiction. In fact, in fiction, you would have to somehow make sense. Real life facts however, could be just any darn thing it can.

This one fact is weird, but not as much as it is painful.
(Note: Not for the weak hearted. Or rather, not for the people who cannot stand pain.)

I'm not a guy, but whatever that poor man (well, he asked for it) went through deserves an "Oowww..."! So here comes my time in pondering a couple of Life's anguish and pain. I couldn't, for the mean time, decide which is worse; to push a fully developed baby through the vagina, or having your scrotum ripped and your testis fall out.

Distracted

Hello! I'm not dead. I'm still alive! I just got distracted with... TV SERIES!!! Anime as well as dramas. Ahhh... the live of a TV addict. I could just get lost in my own little fantasy world and never come out. I could just go crazy over all the hot, sensitive guys with ultimate personalities and backgrounds portrayed on media. I could just sigh at the fictional life they lead. Oh... the wonders of fiction and the media. *goes all dreamy*

So I've been watching anime this week. And I totally recommend to you (anime lovers)... Vampire Knight! The graphics are great (sort of like Bleach and Naruto) and the story line is haunting. I love the opening theme and the closing theme is the absolute best! There is a dash of humour here and there so all in all, it'll be a great series to watch. Especially if you fancy vampires!

Taken from animekiwi.com

Yuki's earliest memory is of a stormy night in winter, wherein she was attacked by a vampire... And then rescued by another. Now 10 years later, Yuki Cross, the adapted daughter of the headmaster of Cross Academy, has grown up and become a guardian of the vampire race, protecting her savior, Kaname, from discovery as he leads a group of vampires at the elite boarding school. But also at her side is Zero Kiryu, a childhood friend who’s hatred for the creatures that destroyed everything he held dear, is now determined never to trust them. This coexisting arrangement seems all well and good, but have the vampires truly renounced their murderous ways, or is there a darker truth behind their actions. Is Kaname's infatuation with Yuki the beginning of a forbidden romance, or is it something in her forgotten past that draws him to her. Because in this world of secrets, nothing is as it seems. And the price of misplaced trust may even be worse than death.

And also, I've been trying to get One Tree Hill Season 5. I've finally gotten a few episodes to watch! I love this drama to pieces! So I'm going off now to watch the series.


Perhaps I'll return soon to post something better. Maybe. We'll see =D.

Being Pet Starved

I was so pet starved! As in I crave for pets and I'm not getting any. Ever since my father got ill, I've been having no pets at all. Then when I moved to my brother's house, there's absolutely no chance of me having furries. No dogs, no cats, no hamsters... I felt like I've been caged for months without food but I'm still surviving (okay, that don't make sense)! So I did the unthinkable. I bought fishes.

AUSMAT (Australian Matriculation) was having a charity drive on Friday. They had a fishing booth whereby you pay RM1 and for 15 seconds, you get to fish your own fish, as many as you can get, using tissue paper wrapped around hard wire instead of a real net. It was so exiciting to see the little things swimming around and my head spun with the prospect of having a pet. Even if it was just a fish. Filled with anticipation and excitement, with my eyes wide open and a stupid grin plastered on my face, I dragged Catherine to accompany me to fish. I gave RM1 to the guy behind the booth and happily dipped my handmade fishing net into the tank when the time started.

I didn't get any fish at all. Which was disappointing. I was just aiming a single fish because it was the only attractive one in that tank. What got me more disappointed was when the guy told me he gave me extra time to fish and he stopped the time when I almost got the fish. Then it jumped out of the net! Frustrating! So I went back to my group of friends wailing that I want a fish and Izzat was like, "Aiya, I go pay and you get one la!". So I went with Izzat to the booth and suddenly Aliza popped out and said she wanted to play too. So I gave her my RM1. I tried my best and finally got the fish I wanted! Yay! I had extra time too cause the guy behind the booth was being kind. Aliza caught 3 fishes but I was just happy with my 1.


Introducing my guppy fish named Fish!

If you look beside Fish, there's Chloe, Zaleha's fish. And to Zaleha, that fish is a male. I think you'd better rename it ;). Aliza gave me the other 3 fishes too but she wanted to carry them around 'til I go back home. So I only carried Fish, the fish I caught myself, around to my Biology and IDC class.

So I met Eng Yew when my break was almost over and asked him to take home one of the fishes. He said no. Pfft! But he followed me around with my mom after school to buy the stuff required for my fishes. My mom bought me a tank (I thought I had one at home but she gave the old one away), fish food and 4 more other guppies! Then Eng Yew helped me fix it up.


Cleaning the small tank.

Just a simple filter.

Getting some water in

Fishies!!!

Hm, so anyway, here comes the sad part. Fish died and the following day and the next day and the next, the fishes caught from the charity drive all died. So I was left with four very stressed fishes (yes, fishes do get stressed) from the local aquarium shop and one had its tail ripped to shreds because the other three kept bullying him. I lost that one this afternoon while I was in school.

I, unfortunately, learnt the hard way that it's not the fishes that I need to pay attention to, rather the water condition. I learnt that the tank was overcrowded with eight fishes. I learnt that new tanks are not really good for the fishes. I learnt that fishes need specific water conditions to be happy in and that my tank is very, very small, which makes it harder to maintain than a bigger tank because if ammonia builds up, the fishes get poisoned faster in a small tank than a big one. I learnt a lot about water. It was a lot to digest in a few days.

So now I know and now have three happy fishes swimming around the small tank. They seem to be supremely big eaters- like me. Haha!

Take The Plunge

Ever had one of those times when you felt like doing something you really wanted, but in the end something else held you back? Perhaps it involves your pride, or maybe your ego. Perhaps it was fear and insecurity. Or complicated as it is, all these factors combined into one? Then you never got to do the thing you wanted and you watched it slip by, realizing only too late that you should have grabbed that chance.

What if it doesn't turn out the way I want? What if it's pointless? What if they/he/she don't like me? Oh the so many 'what ifs' possibilities that can surface. So what? In your life there's bound to be mistakes made. We learn from that. In your whole life there's bound to be people that hate you. You can't please everyone. So what's stopping you? Focus on the people that truly appreciates you. There's so many out there! You don't notice them, but they certaintly do notice you. Focus on the values you learn and the experience you will gain. If you don't try, you will never know. Never surpress knowledge, never surpress experience.

If you have that something you wanted to do, some passion stirring inside of you, a confession you want to make, well I say just do it. Push yourself, slap yourself, by all means just squish that insecure or prideful part of yourself and go freaking do that thing you want!

Because opportunities don't come everytime.
Because later in life, you learn from the outcome and can look back without regrets.
Because you took that risk.
Because you live a little more of your life.
Because life can only be lived once.

So go grab it. Grab that opportunity. Suck in your breath and prepare for the harsh waters. Trust me, that feeling of satisfaction beats the feeling of regret.



So here's to me, taking a deep breath and plunging into the waters.

Wish me luck.