Jumbled Thoughts

Do you have any idea how much I've hurt until at this moment, the pain seem like such a normal thing?

Like if I slit some cuts on my wrist, it hurts the first time, but after doing it again and again, the pain just seems to be no longer there?

Do you have any idea how desperate I was, to throw all pride, to throw all that I believed in and some values to the winds just to keep you here with me?

Like catching the droplets of rain with a container, I'm so afraid of missing one drop.

And I'm so, so confused after all that has happened. All that I did, would you come to think I was great? Or just the same old person you'd come to hate?

What am I to you? When I do wrong, am I automatically someone not right for you? A burden instead of a love one? Do I have to be so perfect? Like an obedient housewife, a beautiful lady that stands by her partner's side, forever smiling, forever providing what is wanted, needed.

I don't even know why am I thinking these thoughts.



I'm tired. Tired of being the desperate person, tired of hurting, tired of trying to figure you out. Tired of fearing that I'll lose someone special.

I just want to disappear. I suddenly wish I was a better girl, a better person, another me. I'm tired of being me.

I hate me.