Guide To Understanding Men

Finally! After months and years of misunderstanding between the sexes and hard communication with the opposite gender, someone did good by coming up with a guide to understand men better. Unfortunately, it was posted by a guy who very predictably, stated it in only men language. Fortunately, I've come to help translate his guide for all you lovely ladies and give in a few tips or two. Below are the points taken from his guide followed by the translation.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
•Simple hints do not work!
•Strong hints do not work!
•Obvious hints do not work!
•JUST SAY IT
There you have it, babes. What more better than to just ORDER him around? His grandmother did it, his parents did it, his elder sister did it, make it much more comfortable for him by commanding him. "Sit!" "Stay!" and "Hug!" are perfect examples for straight forward commands.


‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
Remember, they should not have a say or an opinion. Anything that needs to be thought of, you make the decision. Like rule number 1, commanding "Yes" or "No" is a great way for him to sit down and be numb in the brain.


If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear
Apparently they do not know the meaning of hypothetical questions. Their brains cannot comprehend this "mystery".


Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Here's another great tip, girls. Men don't understand emotions. They don't understand the need for communication. So what do you do? Just treat them like robotic repairmen! Anything that's broken, spoilt, or simply a mess, call them and when they're busy fixing things, go party with your girlfriends!


If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us
Seems that they don't believe in confirming information either. The saying, "Two heads are better than one" does not apply for men.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
I wonder what is the other way... make us grossed out? Hateful? Elevated? Perverted?

Crying = blackmail
Sex and getting pregnant isn't blackmail to them.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
This is where the truth comes in, girls. Men's brain can only function at one part at a time. Their brains aren't developed enough to multitask. So tell them one thing at a time. Go slow.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
They are lazy.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
They came from Atlantic where the temperature was so freaking cold it froze their hearts into icicles. This also caused them to have less oxygen in their brains therefore it hurts in the head when they try to figure out what's wrong. In short, they're just lazy or unable to use their brains.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during tv advertisement.
Again, their under-developed brain does not allow them to multitask. Remember, speak to him s-l-o-w-l-y so it's clearer for them.

Apparently there is more to this guide than just ten. But hey, if the girls know anymore, men will just be that insensitive, lazy-assed jerks we all love to hate. Then all men will be single. MUAH HAHAHAHAHAHA!

---

BIG FAT NOTE: I know this post is very sexist and it was only meant as sarcastic, entertainment purposes. This is a JOKE!. My apologies if I hurt anyone (but considering men's hearts are like icecles they wouldn't feel a thing reading this post, riiigghht? =P). I know guys out there who are very kind and caring and are great individuals. They are good friends, boyfriends and good people as a whole.

So for all you people who cannot tolerate this kind of sick humour, there's this very tempting looking X button at the top right hand corner of your browser. Kindly click that and be on your way. Thank you =)